I don't know why I have such a big mouth. There is an horrible family dynamic in DH family and I uncovered it, but I'm not supposed to. There is a reason that DH doesn't want me on that trip. I might expose the truth.
When we first got together and we went there, he didn't know me too well. I spent a long time observing this crazy witch of a SIL, then on the way back home I was talking about my own MN SIL, they were exactly the same. My own brother is in complete denial as his MN wife emotionally torments the family and I knew this from an early age. The abuse signs was all there. I never did tell my brother that, and maybe I stayed in denial about it, but the truth was definitely there. She rules the household with an iron fist and so does DH MN SIL.
I want people to understand. I was told to shut up all my life, get along. I never got along with anyone hardly. DH even told me that I had a hard time getting along with people. He was trying to help me I guess.
I'm just realizing this now. The whole family is in denial over this crazy bitch and I stand here and he is keeping me away. He seems to know that I will blow the whistle on her. Even those emails. I mean, WTF was up with that? Is she completely and utterly nuts? Who does that? Gaslight with actual physical evidence. My MN mother would be ashamed to see that. But SIL doesn't know I'm awake and aware and I suppose it was time to screw me over. Play a game, assault me. And DH is covering for her. He wants to keep the peace, peace at any cost.
I remember a line in my favorite movie, The Ten Commandments. When Moses disappeared Joshua found him and Moses told Joshua, that he only wanted to live in peace now. Joshua replied, "How can you expect peace or even want it while Ramses is building cities on the blood of our people."
I used to listen to Joyce Meyer on tv. Not anymore. She said that we must live in peace. To me that blew out every good thing she has ever said otherwise! All the churches and tv evangelists say that. People, the bible doesn't teach that! In fact, it even says that our enemies may be those of our own household. I am living very close to that scripture these days. I can't seem to live in peace no matter what. Not my whole life while I was the target of bullies and abusers. Not now while my DH kisses narc butt. And I am the scapegoat! His wife is a scapegoat. What peace!
There will be times of war. I mean real war, not this bullshit you see going on that feeds the narc sharks. Governments paying both sides to fight. Does that not seem like bullshit to you? And narc supply?
I am growing up faster and faster these days. Left alone to think things through, I mentioned in the comment section of my last post that when my husband told me that he has seen his SIL boobs, I asked him, "Is that ok to see your brother's wife's boobs?" He hemmed and hawed got out of the chair, left the room, basically trying to get the hell away from me. This was just before he told me that I was not going on the trip.
Ok, if I'm going to be in peace, I'm going to have to be in heaven, that's all. Nothing else. This world is not offering me too much right now, I am not making this my permanent place, I come from somewhere else.
So what does the scapegoat do now? Every friggin time I open my mouth it gets me into trouble. But it wasn't intended for me to be the scapegoat, I was engulfed by MN mother. I guess I was supposed to be some kind of GC but that never happened.
It is obvious to me that he is keeping me away from his crazy SIL because I might blow the whistle. This is deja vu for me I've been here before.
It makes me sick how many families protect narcs. No one cares about the victim of narcs but the little ole 'non feelings' of narcs must be protected at all costs. The peace makers are all afraid of them. That is how things work in my family. No one speaks out against my mother. Not any light criticism even. I am sorry to see your husband giving in to this, but sadly his brother is probably helping to run that show and he wants to keep things close with his brother. I separated from endless other narcs you know, even this uncle and aunt I consider full blown narcs. It makes me sick the cousins I have contact with, visit them, when these people have treated me like trash. The lack of loyalty hurts. I just keep my mouth shut, knowing I can't do anything about it. With the husband, I would be quiet and talk about other matters, but do defend yourself if he repeats any smear campaign garbage. I am avoiding narcs like the plague.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I know how you feel Peep. It galls me that anything I say or do, it doesn't matter, narcs come first. Its hard to be around a narc, I don't know why anyone would want to willingly do it. If someone is not groomed by narcs, why be around them. They can see the crap that goes on. He came home a day early, and I haven't left yet to go to town, I'm leaving in the morning. I told him I only have dinner for one, and he is being quite snarky. I asked him what's wrong, and he said nothing. So far, I don't hear anything from him, just snarly. I'm doing well, no crazyiness from me.
ReplyDeleteThey'll always treat us as trash. I've always been treated like trash. I won't allow it anymore, its too hard especially with all my realizations. We just keep up the self referencing, just keep pushing forward, that's all we can do. Maintaining no contact is the best way. I'm glad you were able to do it with all those family members, its hard. Everyone has a gettogether, and we get excluded. But they hated Jesus first.
doesn't matter, narcs come first. Its hard to be around a narc, I don't know why anyone would want to willingly do it. If someone is not groomed by narcs, why be around them. They can see the crap that goes on. He came home a day early, and I haven't left yet to go to town, I'm leaving in the morning. I told him I only have dinner for one, and he is being quite snarky. I asked him what's wrong, and he said nothing. So far, I don't hear anything from him, just snarly. I'm doing well, no crazyiness from me.
DeleteYes the creepy narcs always seem to come first. I still think of the ex friend putting the narc ahead of me. She ditches a 4 year "friendship" for someone who is a mere acquaintance so she can do narc worship. There must be something spiritual in their love to wicked people.
I agree with the self referencing. Stand our ground. I'm not into trying to impress or making people choose me. It doesn't work. They can have the narcs they want to butt-kiss.
Yes I'm out of all the get-togethers. Even if one is nice enough to consider inviting me, another idiot in Queen Spider's service will make sure I am not invited even if she isn't there.
I totally relate and I am totally glad to read your blog and Peeps blog. It feels so good to see other people actually understanding what I've been through. And its amazing that now at my age I am finally learning that its not me. I thought it was me for so long. The level of attack and constant gaslighting is something that no one who hasn't been through it can ever understand. I get attacked and it doesn't even look like an attack. I'm in love with the internet and youtube now, because of all the narcissism info. Thank you guys so much.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was me for all my life too. As a target of source of supply, I've always found myself being gaslighted. It gave me such terrible times. I too, am glad I found all these resources on line, and its been a miracle really. And no one else seems to understand. Thanks Gaily.
DeleteHi Gaily. It's like being freed from a prison cage, realizing how these narcs got their jollies telling the world we were wrong or crazy and deserved nothing more. We learn to recognize their backstabbing attacks as they tell us and the world, "I didn't do anything" and then laugh behind the scenes. It was a miracle too for me to find out about this stuff and to escape the narcs and their control and abuses. I learned I didn't have to put up with it anymore.
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