Now, now, the freak is in a panic. She is no longer emailing DH, she can't be. She is getting her husband to send the emails to DH third party. I have hurt her feelings.
Nah. You see what's happening here? This has now become triangulation. It is festering to the boiling point where all kinds of discriminatory things are going to be happening beneath the surface, at this point. Where DH will be frozen out by his brothers because of me. I am the culprit, I am to be blamed. She must not know I am awake and aware of the little game. They pay an awful price for grandiosity, don't they?
Well, DH is sleeping off his nighshift, in a few minutes I'll be going into town. I have a feeling I am not to change my routine at this point, but continue with life, don't let fear ever take over your life.
This has got me to thinking of my life as a target. The SIL is only one in a long list of MNs who have sought out to destroy me. I'm not even feeling sorry for DH. He's playing along. Shall I tell him what is really going on, so that he can think I've completely lost my mind?
Its a strange reality we ACON's see. I'm betting, that DH will tell me that he wants us all to get along and be friends and make up and that we will fix this. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Isn't it great to live in a world of sunshine and rainbows like that?
Here's the problem with that. I would be perfectly willing to accept everything as a complete misunderstanding. I would be. The only problem, it is not a human that we are talking about here. From my experience, the game goes on, till I am completely destroyed, and abolished, the MN will not rest till she gets what she wants. Then she will wipe her bum and move on. I don't have to tell DH that he has to make a choice, she is doing it for me. This is a heartless creature who is beyond contempt. And if DH would look, he would actually see that. She has committed assault, character assassination, robbery, you name it. All the sins in the book are right there if you see it. This could never happen with a normal person, never, it wouldn't happen, let me assure you. They can't, but an MN, this is what they live for. Somehow, this will be set up to fall on my shoulder's. The MN has started the wheels in motion, with the ignoring. From my experience of MN's this only means that they are going in for the kill, and I am a target.
To be brutally honest here, I want to stand up and fight. I have never won with these terrible beasts, not once. Most of my life, well actually, all of my life I have not even known about it. Now I do. Something needs to be done. The deplorable state of the condition I'm in is that I am abusing her. Now she has to ignore me. So what is next? Well, pressure will be intensified for DH, and she is actually punishing him. She is punishing him. For not doing what he is being ordered, and that is to get rid of me. She is using tactics that go way below the belt, and she is able to make my yoo hoo into the gravest sin. This looks like I started it, and this is why I have to stand my ground, and not argue him down, or give way to anything he is saying to me right now.
Please don't think this is just a loyalty issue I'm having with him. I have been a target all of my life, and I have never amounted to anything, and it was all due to an MN seeking out to destroy me. In fact, I can't remember a time I got to rest from these creatures, ever. Not one day I have not been a target. So this goes way beyond what I see in DH and his disloyalty. This is more than jealousy and rage on my part. This is a system in place that is set out to destroy me. She did get a little supply from me way back in the beginning, now she is steaming mad she can't get no more, so the only use for me is to bring me down. She is playing the poor wee little victim.
Trust me, she has not given up. I have so much experience in how this all plays out, its disgusting. She has gone to war. I don't even care right now about DH's part in this. This is not an argument between me and his SIL. This is a battle to the death between me and a disgusting excuse for a human being. I am fully aware of what is going on here.
Now, when DH wakes up, and he is fully restored to his sleep, I will be getting some answers from him. Now is the time for me to fight dirty. Use every weapon I possibly can, I will expose the freak for what it is.
Now, I am going to be quiet and hear what he has to say. That will be my starting point. I will have to watch my fleas though. Or shifting back. I know I know how to use my words, I grew up in a house of hate, and I know how to talk the language.
I'm sort of over the loyalty issue for now. I want to go after the MN. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. There was a memory I had about an MN who came after me years ago. What happened, and what worked and fixed the situation was the police. That ended all onslaught of the repugnant creature. Basically, a neighbour was tormenting me, and the police was called (by the repugnant creature, no kidding). I had sent her a note to stop and leave me alone, and she called the police over that. The police came and intervened, I don't know what happened, but after talking to me the police went over there, and after some time left. They had never said boo to me after that, it was all done. The police had left me some bullying flyers.
That was an odd thing to have had happen. So I had a hard time sleeping, and I woke up this morning with the revelation of calling the police. I can call this verbal assault. The problem, I know is that the laws in my country are shit. But I'm thinking, that maybe I can get the police to talk to her. Would they? That seems to scare the repugnant creatures. Or would the police intervene for me in this, or maybe they won't. I stand to lose a lot doing this. If that police officer is a repugnant creature too, I might set myself up for a major fall. Afterall, verbal assault is like a joke, anyone can stand up for themself, and I might get the lecture on that.
But think about it. Is it my fault that this is a morally corrupt, repugnant being? Is it my problem this is a disgusting pile of goo? Is it my responsibility to deal with it? I don't think any MN is my problem, and I think the police should intervene, for the moral sanity of society. That's what I think. She is not my problem. No bully is your problem and if someone tells you that they are, well I think they are playing the game with the predator, don't you think?
Even if we were to split up and go our separate way, DH and I, I will be hounded by MN's. This is the way for me. I am trying to come up with methods on fighting back. A police intervention is a powerful way to scare the crap out of these critters. It worked before, it can work again, as long as I can get the police to help. The police just might tell me to stay away, but I am caught so deeply in this, that I don't know how I can do that.
DH still insists she is ok. This was an argument between two women. Except I don't go around arguing with people. I have seen him deal with my mother. I have seen him go after one of his friends who was out to get me. I know that somehow he thinks she has not done enough wrong, and that my yoo hoo was what got her started. When I brought up the verbal abuse argument, he pshawed that one. As it stands, I don't want anything to do with them, I want NC, and I don't want him going over there. This is where I have made a stand. God has taught me the proper way to argue over this. You can't rebuke a fool, so I took away all my notes and correspondence on MN's and put them away. I won't bring it up, and I won't talk to him about it anymore. Everything is going to change in the way I talk to him.
Last night after he told me that she did nothing wrong, I told him what I wanted to do was call the police, then he just shewed it away, I closed down. He tried to get me to argue it with him, and I just stuck to my points. You don't rebuke a fool, stick to the facts. I stuck to my facts. And stayed with it. At some point he said the world is not so perfect, I have to give people a break, with was answered by my silence.
Funny thing happened. I had to change the batteries on the tv remote and I got the darn things in backwards. When it wouldn't work, DH told me that maybe I put them in wrong. So I fixed that, and he was all puffed up, about telling me that since I think I'm so perfect and I did this wrong. Out loud, this was the first time I said something in a while, I said, "Putting batteries in wrong, is the same as a repugnant creature on the prowl. You are a boss at work, so I guess you might be right. Shall I discuss that with your boss? Tell him you have the moral compass of a screwdriver?"
He didn't say anything after that. He fell asleep, When he gets off of nightshift for a day, he falls asleep whenever. God has taught me how to argue, and thank God it is never arguing. You don't ever rebuke a fool. Remove the idea out of your head that somehow you have the power to convince him of something. This is tiring. Just stand your ground, as long as you know you are right, its ok. Its giving him feedback. But don't ever do this if it is an equal argument about something. Only give him way, when he has the ability to be right. But stand up for your rights. I trust that anyone reading this will have the moral standards to understand what I'm saying. And if you are afraid of getting hit, don't do it, just leave. Don't risk that.
So if I call the police and I manage to get them to talk to her, this will be worth gold. Absolute gold. I know from direct experience that this alone has the power to scare off any narcissist. Worked for me before, it can work again. But I'm not sure. The police officer can give the the lecture about having to deal with this on my own. But malignant narcissists are not my problem. This is a police matter. And I still don't know what she said during the assault. I truly don't. All I remember was the curses and swearing and the freaking. So I lose ground there. Somehow I think that swearing, and using the Lord's name in vain to me, is assaulting to me, for I find that even repugnant, for I don't swear, and I don't use the Lord's name in vain, and to have that hurled at me, is an attack. Can that be enough? If the police proceed to give me the lecture I will have the vacate the phonecall for it will play on my brain, and I will be up against the fog. That is, doubting what I experienced. The trick is to stay out of the deadlights, don't fall for it. And if that police officer is an MN, I will definitely be in for it. That is why I am writing this, in case I start to fall backward, I will have a written record of what is going on. Call the police, hope they intervene, that is a gamble, but it is worth it.
It is worth it if the police don't try to get me into the fog. For that I will have to vacate the phonecall, maybe say the water is boiling over, or something is going on here, but I will have to vacate the phonecall, as quickly as possible. After saying my piece, don't do any more to try to convince them, you are in danger of the fog. Using any means necessary, but don't enter the fog. Don't get stuck in that. That is why I don't argue with DH, I have completely have to set my mind on this.
Sometimes you are put in the position where you have to stand up and fight. Even just so to teach this morally repugnant creature, to leave others alone. In the case of rape, it is important to let the victim talk, and its important for her to report the crime, even for the reason of getting this person off the streets, to keep other people from getting raped by them. And such is the case here. She is in her forties, and I'm assuming a huge rap sheet here of crimes that went under the radar. Perhaps even murder. She is a nurse. This is scary. And I assure you this "argument" would not have happened to me and a normal person. A normal person might rage, but it would have been more tragic, she would have hurt herself doing that, and I would have seen more of a contrite heart after that. All I saw after SIL's rage was a good time relaxing and enjoying herself. I know I sound crazy, but please understand, this is not new territory for me. I have lost good jobs over this. I am in malignant narcissist sights.
So I'm still thinking of calling the police. Sorry if this writing seems self serving, but I'm afraid of getting caught up in the fog, and I will have this to refer to. And it might help out others. I know having the police deal with this is the way, it will work. Heck, I might just go over there this summer and act like everything is normal. She will be scared of me. No more will I have to listen to her rampaging on, but perhaps it might still go on, this is all a risk. The police is a trump card I use, and maybe later when she has upped the ante on the smearing I will use it. It will always be available for me for she won't stop. This can't happen with a normal person.
You know, I can't talk to DH about this, he is making it look like I'm the predator, he does not even see what is happening. He is not saying, get over it, he is saying that it was ok, and we must forgive and forget. So, so what if someone is telling me off? I keep my ground with him, and I find this tough. I have to constantly get away from his lousy moral compass. It is deplorable, and I can't stand how he thinks this is all ok.
But listen to me, an MN is an MN, be it a family member, or a boss or anything. They are a soul destroyer and murderer, and no amount of moralizing it makes it right. When he tries to get into it with me, I just bring up that it is corrupt, and they are seeing it on his job. He will not see the big bonuses, and he will continue to see it shoved in his face that he is not worth his salt. The night he told me that he was not respected was a night of prayer for us, and God has answered that prayer. He does not see an answered prayer in the district of a narcissist.
Whether you are a Christian or not, you must see that hungering and thirsting for righteousness is the way of life. Its what gives you balls. God is not going to turn you into something, to make you a slave, you have the ability to choose for yourself, what you see, and whether you do right or wrong. And to not be able to see right from wrong, therein lies the truth about yourself.
The Smear Campaign: And a Denial Tactic
Hubby started a smear campaign against me. Here is what happened. First of all, I told hubby that I wanted to call the police on her. Why? he asked. I said for the verbal abuse, which I felt was out of line with the law. He said no, and he actually convinced me not to. Lots of reasons, won't go well in the family, I will be ostracized, things will tank. I also asked what he would do if I did. He didn't answer. Right now, I realized this would not be in my best interest to do it.
One evening after coming home from my end of season sewing guild dinner, he told me that he called his brother. You know, the poopy one, the one who was pooping his drawers the night of the verbal abuse? That one. So, basically it was one snivelling weasel got together with another snivelling weasel and decided that nothing happened on the night in question. "She was only telling us where there were towels, and you had to pipe in with your comment, about being ignored" That was it. That was it? Somehow, at that same moment, I got a memory back of when she did slam me she made it very demeaning and made me look like a fool. I remember the attitude she cast. Then hubby told me that his brother called me crazy when I wanted to call the cops on her. I asked him, with as much as my vulnerability would allow me at the time, "You allowed your brother to call me crazy?" This guy wonders why he is sleeping alone? All went dead silent. Could he have known what he had done and allowed his brother to call me crazy? Did he realize that it was morally debased of him? He had stabbed me in the back.
I can't get another word out of him about it. Just the other night he told me that he was working with his brother. They work together. I told him with as much vulnerability again, I believe in vulnerability in relationships, I don't want it otherwise, "I don't want to hear that man's name again, I can still feel the knife in my back." He came and sat down, didn't' say a word, just looked at me with a gaze that I rarely see in him, almost back to himself, but I won't get my hopes up yet.
Do I have to live with a backstabber? You know, I have a sneaking suspicion that the "call the police" will get back to SIL freak, in fact I highly suspect it. I don't want this. She has already got her monkeys to label her blameless, and made me out to be the predator. She has began her silent treatment over the lack of email about the garage to hubby. This is all a covert tactic, don't think she is just backing down, no way. This predator freak is still going to try to destroy me.
What will she do with the news of me calling the cops? Not sure. I am trying to remember when a narcissist got caught and what they did to us. Most of the time, they vacated. Right? Is that what happens? Mother would do it, friends would do it. Narcissists don't like to be confronted on their crap. With me basically shoving her nose in it, I don't know what she is going to do. Despite what is going on with hubby I so want to fight.
So the very next day after his phonecall to his brother and the smear campaign and denial tactic, his brother showed up here. Hubby was already outside, doing some things, and now I wonder was this all arranged? Were they going to confront me? So I sat in the house with the most powerful weapon I have ever encountered. The bible. I don't remember what I was reading, but somewhere in James. Reading and praying, I stayed that way until the brother left and hubby came inside.
I sat curious and quiet for the longest time. Then I asked him, "I was worried about how the smear campaign in going against me, I know your brother was here."
He just stood there and said, "We talked nothing of you, this problem is between us, and between us its going to stay."
I forgot to mention that while his brother was here I was dying to go outside and ask his brother if he called me crazy. Ohhh, I was dying to, this is not something I am afraid of. In my FOO confrontation was well taught. But I don't want to have to defend myself. Why should I? What is the point of that? This is his family, it is up to him to stand up for me, and take care of me, and I don't want it any other way. If I have to teach everyone, I would rather divorce him. Really I would, I am tired of being the one who wears the pants in the family, ain't going to happen again, nosireeee.
Let's understand something here. We are both being targeted here. If I am being targeted, he is being targeted. He has got to realize that or I'm gone. I was thinking of all this while his poopy pants brother was here. Nope, not going to defend myself, I have a husband to do that for me. Right? Biblically, I am doing my part. And I don't even care of they come at me guns ablazing, don't care. Unless it all gets me into serious, and I do mean serious hot water, I don't care. They are just monkeys, almost an illusion really. To me. Right now.
So he said they never talked of me, but I am sure his brother came here to dig up some more dirt. And hubby claims nothing was said about me, so therefore his brother came here for nothing. I believe what happened was that, yeah, his brother wanted more dirt, and hubby wasn't giving it. See how monkeys work? I will see if hubby chooses to be faithful and loyal and loving to me. I don't need to demand it. Either I have it or I don't, plain and simple.
I also told hubby, that I wanted to enter his email and email everyone concerned and that I am being smeared against but I am the one who is right, starting with those emails he got last summer. I am happy to get the validation over what happened last summer, I'm starting to. Its happening, I think.
I told him I wanted to, but I really don't care what they think of me. None of them. They can think I'm the poop on the doorstep, don't care that much. Your family can go ahead and hate me for attacking your poor SIL, they can, don't care, I only care about what you think and feel towards me. That's all that matters, thats all I care about. He looked at me. At this point he is back to work now, so slo mo regarding anymore progress, so I will have to wait and see.