Hurt Feelings

Blogging is difficult because whenever you want to talk about someone behind their back this is the place to do it.  And if they ever happen across your blog or are regular readers, once you describe the situation they might say a-ha, that's me, that's you, then they are on to you.

That's why I try to start out writing basically innocuous statements in the beginning of a posting, hoping that I can keep the secret a bit longer.  I've noticed something about myself.  That when a problem arises and a whole bunch of people are involved, I look to the women and I blame them, because I believe they should know better.

I wrote about the differences between men and women in my last posting, trying to clear up some stuff.  But recently I have come to realize that women these days don't know any better than the men.

Despite everything, I have learned that we mustn't ever lose our high value.  Take for instance during the dating process, if a man you are dating causes you to have to lower your value for any reason, to be with him, for any reason, this is a clear warning signal.  This is bells going off.

My situation is about a holiday that I was assuming we were to take together.  An email came in from his sister in law to him saying that she and her husband had a week off at the end of August and asked if HE wanted to join them at their camp.  I didn't like the way that was put.  I told him that.  He didn't listen.  Then I went into a tirade over it, describing exactly how I felt about it and used up all my emotions.  Then I started to realize this email was a month old and I realized I was never invited by him to go.  Tirades are fine, you can scream at him, describing your feelings and never attacking. But it wasn't working this time.

This is the thing about high value.  You value your intents.  You feel, you sense, you think.  If you are not entitled to that, then it is a clear warning sign.  Everything about you will be acknowledged or you walk away.

I had a terrible time sleeping last night.  It is very difficult with this guy.  He was emotionally abused during his last relationship.  Yes, I can be there for him, I can be supportive, but at no time am I to lower my value for him.  My value states that I am to have a clear invite, to have a clear meaning in the email that I am to be acknowledged.

We really don't go anywhere.  There is too much work to be done around here, and that is fine with me, we sort of live in a vacation home anyway.

You see the problem with the email was that it made me feel invisible.  I made a mistake.  I ordered him to write her back and insist on inviting me personally.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Here's the thing.  We shouldn't have to bark orders, we are to lead by influence.  But how can I influence that?  How do I work on that?  How do I do this while keeping high value?

I know what I have to do and it's very simple, but it comes with a few risks.  I step back, stay in authenticity.  Since the email didn't acknowledge me, and he clearly didn't invite me to go, then I am to take it that it was never intended for me to go along.  Then smile and be happy and separate that from our every day life.  Keep that situation in perspective.  Yes I am allowed to be hurt over it and cry in front of him, that's fine.  Be fully vulnerable, wear my heart on my sleeve.  To fully show that it hurt me, but to help him understand that while this hurts me I can keep it in perspective.  Tough stuff.   You see when I was all angry and made demands, it put him on the defensive, and he was all about protecting himself, not me.  He needs to understand that he has to take care of me.

I want to rip his head off, and beat the crap out of his sister in law, but that is only because they are trying to get me to lower my value, and we as humans can be pretty violent about things like significance, certainty.  I acknowledge that feeling now.

But speaking in clear lines, I will not lower my value.  I was not invited therefore I don't go, as simple and direct as that.  I won't beg and plead.  I will hate his sister in law till my dying days, even more that I hate him for it, because I feel a woman should know better.  Men can't see these things, but a woman can.  This was hurtful.  I can't assume whether it was deliberate on her part or not, I can't tell what she was thinking, so I'll just go with what the email said, that I won't be going.

Oh yeah, this is not for revenge.  If that was my intent, then I have so much work to do on myself. This is about high value.  And maintaining clearly throughout my life.