The single pane windows, I have got to have a blog title like this sooner or later. I grew up having to brave the cold or be tormented. You see, mother had a thing about us not wearing much. "Scared of someone seeing your body." But it was freaking cold. I hated baths, I think that was the worst. Couldn't ever just keep warm with clothes. The rule was out of the bath then just into your underwear, and you should walk around like that. Seeing everyone's bare butt was normal.
We had single pane windows, we didn't have central heating, we live in Northern Canada. And this whole thing about triggering memories hit too close to home this week.
My husband started this conversation with me. He announced that he was building a shack with an outhouse and he is turning off the electricity. Omg, I thought I wanted to kill him. I was almost having spasms. Ok, long story short. The year end bill for the electricity came in and wasn't adjusted properly. He does this, he says these types of things. He goes off on tirades sometimes. Well anyway, we are not getting rid of the warm house and we will not have an outdoor toilet and we will have electricity.
But my, what a way for him to vent. He has no clue about my upbringing really. I have told him some stuff, but how does that make sense to someone who grew up in a normal house with a normal family and normal parents. He has no idea, not really. So what he said triggered a memory. It was brave the cold or get accused of all sorts of things, get hurt. Get made fun of. Get mother ignoring you for a couple of days till your so hungry you'll do anything to get out of it.
Oh, and I think we are welcome to post Ollie's videos at anytime on our blogs. I heard that at one time.
The Narc parents will deny our physical needs. "Oh you are not really cold, Oh you are not really hot, and in my case, "You are just telling yourself you can't breathe, you can't cope". It is really an insidious part of physical abuse. I would divorce a man who forced me to go outside in the cold snow to go to the bathroom. Unless we were Amish or preppers and I had good health where I signed on for such a program, but in general no way. Your mother neglected you physically. Sadly she may even have enjoyed watching you shiver. My parents never thought of my physical comfort with all my medical neglect:
ReplyDeletehttp://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/10/youre-not-really-sick-dealing-with.html
Yeah, I somehow remember her smirking. And I don't know how she tolerated the cold, she would run around not cold at all cleaning the house, I say she is a lizard. Gee I probably would too divorce him if I had to live that way. We are not Amish, but I think he likes to think of it as a back up plan but we would never do it.
ReplyDeleteI remember that post of yours, very hard. It was the worst. Those parents were no good. It's funny how those things they said to you sounded like positive thinking. Its just horrible. Just like my mother saying, "There is no such thing as can't". You can do anything.
My grandmothers house had no indoor plumbing and out house's suck in winter even it Texas.........One time I was with my mother shopping for groceries and asked her to buy us some ice cream. She didn't miss a beat and told me if she bought me ice cream I would just eat it. To this day I can't think of a logical response to that but a dumb look on my face. I mean think about. As a child my first reaction was to say, "no I won't" which would be a lie. But to say yea as quick as I can get it in a bowl just loaded her gun for her. To this day I am clueless which answer would have got me some ice cream. Which was her whole objective.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like the most mind screwing thing I have ever heard. Of course you wanted ice cream, and she should have known that. She did know that, and this was just a chance to screw with you. Me too. And to this day I have to question what comes out of my mouth is either a truth or a lie. I don't lie cause I'm narcissistic, I'm doing it to stay safe. It doesn't always keep me safe. This is what draws the predators I think. Cause they come after me with words, which are hard for me.
Delete"OK. Until you replace the power with geothermal, I'm moving back to civilization. Bye."
ReplyDeleteT* (*ith the keyboard prob*)
Warm home, double paned windows, and central heating. Running water. I don't mind the woodstove, I love the woodstove actually.
Delete