Family Problems are not Solved by Triangulation

This is a continuation from the last post "Mother's Legacy."  My oldest daughter finally called.  After more than a week.  I was so unable to comfort myself during that time that I blew a lot of my Christmas duties, I was so focused on fixing this one situation.  I  had to go out and buy pies, I didn't make them from scratch.  The ingredients for the cookies is still in the cupboard.  Most of my Christmas presents are not bought.  I just have a few. Chistmas is tomorrow and I am very unprepared.

She asked if I can come over to spend Christmas with them.  I said I will, but what happened?  Very long story short, I was basically triangulated.  The time I went over to see my son and he didn't answer the door is because the girls told him not to talk to me.  He wouldn't answer the phone either.
I know I did cause a ruckus in my family.  I know it was me.  My daughter told me it is like I'm on steroids with the attacks, I have become a locomotive.  I didn't try to temper myself, but got angry so fast it was like a huge problem for them.

So I told my oldest daughter (Jessie), what did my problem with your sister (Maggie) have to do with you, or your brother?  She said, "Nothing".

I told her, "Why don't you just concern yourself with your children and what you are doing with your life, and not get yourself into the middle of this."

She said, "I'm trying to keep this family together, that is my duty."

I said, "You have nothing to worry about in that regard, I am perfectly fine, yes I did go off on her too much but I still don't see how you got yourself involved in this triangulation.  To me, triangulation is the mark of a sociopath, and it should not happen in any real life situations with real people.'

I went on to discuss with her that her step-father (my husband) has a serious discrepancy with his brother, I didn't know about it for years.  All his family members still talk to him and the brother and although his family members have tried to fix things by talking, life pretty much goes on as normal. He still doesn't talk to his brother, and he told me they will never fix it.

Jessie said, "Well that is wrong, they are not working on it, someone should step in and fix things."

I said, "How?  By using methods of manipulation and triangulation?"  Gaslighting was going on too. I think it was gaslighting that my son did.

"We need to fix things."

I said, "Of course we do, and we shall.  I will not allow this discrepancy like it did with your step-fathers brother that went on for years, happen here.  I said I am working on coping mechanisms.  It is what I do.  I always research and study, you know that.  And yes, I did go overboard with Maggie, as I was taken by surprise in the lie, I ran with it, too far.  For that I am very sorry, but I can't say sorry to her cause she is not the one I'm talking to about it, you want me to say sorry to you?"  Again I was referring to her that this is really none of her business.

I went on to tell her that she can't be judgmental over this.  She hasn't a clue really what I went through growing up.  I am still learning, and that takes making mistakes.  I want the children to be aware of this.  I started by working on authenticity.  She said that might not work in some situations, get over that.

You see, I don't know.  I know my intentions are good.  But I have read on some blogs that good intentions are crap so get over that.  Get over it?  Replace it with what?  I have no idea, that has never been addressed.  I am working on my coping skills here and it is really raw when I get to learn something I perceive as good.  Then to have that very thing taken away at this point with no other thing to replace it.   I still believe in good intentions though and will continue to.  I am a hollowed out husk, what else can I do?

As of right now we are at odds over this.  What I did do was wrong, it was horrible.  Maggie didn't do much that was so severe that day.  Just a lie, just a normal thing she does.  But the fact that she just had a baby drove me into a frenzy.  What I think happened was that my mind was working over time trying to fix this thing right now and forever.  It might take longer than that.