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Sunday, May 22, 2016

A Post Abuse Cover-Up and Denial Tactic

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Think I'm just going to write this as it plays along.  So right now, we have had not talks regarding SIL, and I have noticed that DH got an email about the finished garage from his other brother, not the husband of SIL, the other one, pooping his pants the day of the freakfest.  And he got the email from his brother, so the pictures of the finished garage are up.

Now, now, the freak is in a panic.  She is no longer emailing DH, she can't be.  She is getting her husband to send the emails to DH third party.  I have hurt her feelings.

Nah.  You see what's happening here?  This has now become triangulation.  It is festering to the boiling point where all kinds of discriminatory things are going to be happening beneath the surface, at this point.  Where DH will be frozen out by his brothers because of me.  I am the culprit, I am to be blamed.  She must not know I am awake and aware of the little game.  They pay an awful price for grandiosity, don't they?

Well, DH is sleeping off his nighshift, in a few minutes I'll be going into town.  I have a feeling I am not to change my routine at this point, but continue with life, don't let fear ever take over your life.

This has got me to thinking of my life as a target.  The SIL is only one in a long list of MNs who have sought out to destroy me.  I'm not even feeling sorry for DH.  He's playing along.  Shall I tell him what is really going on, so that he can think I've completely lost my mind?

Its a strange reality we ACON's see.  I'm betting, that DH will tell me that he wants us all to get along and be friends and make up and that we will fix this.  Doesn't that sound wonderful?  Isn't it great to live in a world of sunshine and rainbows like that?

Here's the problem with that.  I would be perfectly willing to accept everything as a complete misunderstanding.  I would be.  The only problem, it is not a human that we are talking about here. From my experience, the game goes on, till I am completely destroyed, and abolished, the MN will not rest till she gets what she wants.  Then she will wipe her bum and move on.  I don't have to tell DH that he has to make a choice, she is doing it for me.  This is a heartless creature who is beyond contempt.  And if DH would look, he would actually see that.  She has committed assault, character assassination, robbery, you name it.  All the sins in the book are right there if you see it.  This could never happen with a normal person, never, it wouldn't happen, let me assure you.  They can't, but an MN, this is what they live for.  Somehow, this will be set up to fall on my shoulder's.  The MN has started the wheels in motion, with the ignoring. From my experience of MN's this only means that they are going in for the kill, and I am a target.

To be brutally honest here, I want to stand up and fight.  I have never won with these terrible beasts, not once.  Most of my life, well actually, all of my life I have not even known about it.  Now I do. Something needs to be done.  The deplorable state of the condition I'm in is that I am abusing her. Now she has to ignore me.  So what is next?  Well, pressure will be intensified for DH, and she is actually punishing him.  She is punishing him.  For not doing what he is being ordered, and that is to get rid of me.  She is using tactics that go way below the belt, and she is able to make my yoo hoo into the gravest sin.  This looks like I started it, and this is why I have to stand my ground, and not argue him down, or give way to anything he is saying to me right now.

Please don't think this is just a loyalty issue I'm having with him.  I have been a target all of my life, and I have never amounted to anything, and it was all due to an MN seeking out to destroy me.  In fact, I can't remember a time I got to rest from these creatures, ever.  Not one day I have not been a target.  So this goes way beyond what I see in DH and his disloyalty.  This is more than jealousy and rage on my part.  This is a system in place that is set out to destroy me.  She did get a little supply from me way back in the beginning, now she is steaming mad she can't get no more, so the only use for me is to bring me down.  She is playing the poor wee little victim.

Trust me, she has not given up.  I have so much experience in how this all plays out, its disgusting. She has gone to war.  I don't even care right now about DH's part in this.  This is not an argument between me and his SIL.  This is a battle to the death between me and a disgusting excuse for a human being.  I am fully aware of what is going on here.

Now, when DH wakes up, and he is fully restored to his sleep, I will be getting some answers from him.  Now is the time for me to fight dirty.  Use every weapon I possibly can, I will expose the freak for what it is.

Now, I am going to be quiet and hear what he has to say.  That will be my starting point.  I will have to watch my fleas though.  Or shifting back.  I know I know how to use my words, I grew up in a house of hate, and I know how to talk the language.

I'm sort of over the loyalty issue for now.  I want to go after the MN.  Last night I had a hard time falling asleep.  There was a memory I had about an MN who came after me years ago.  What happened, and what worked and fixed the situation was the police.  That ended all onslaught of the repugnant creature.  Basically, a neighbour was tormenting me, and the police was called (by the repugnant creature, no kidding).  I had sent her a note to stop and leave me alone, and she called the police over that.  The police came and intervened, I don't know what happened, but after talking to me the police went over there, and after some time left.  They had never said boo to me after that, it was all done.  The police had left me some bullying flyers.

That was an odd thing to have had happen.  So I had a hard time sleeping, and I woke up this morning with the revelation of calling the police.  I can call this verbal assault.  The problem, I know is that the laws in my country are shit.  But I'm thinking, that maybe I can get the police to talk to her. Would they?  That seems to scare the repugnant creatures.  Or would the police intervene for me in this, or maybe they won't.  I stand to lose a lot doing this.  If that police officer is a repugnant creature too, I might set myself up for a major fall.  Afterall, verbal assault is like a joke, anyone can stand up for themself, and I might get the lecture on that.

But think about it.  Is it my fault that this is a morally corrupt, repugnant being?  Is it my problem this is a disgusting pile of goo?  Is it my responsibility to deal with it?  I don't think any MN is my problem, and I think the police should intervene, for the moral sanity of society.  That's what I think. She is not my problem.  No bully is your problem and if someone tells you that they are, well I think they are playing the game with the predator, don't you think?

Even if we were to split up and go our separate way, DH and I, I will be hounded by MN's.  This is the way for me.  I am trying to come up with methods on fighting back.  A police intervention is a powerful way to scare the crap out of these critters.  It worked before, it can work again, as long as I can get the police to help.  The police just might tell me to stay away, but I am caught so deeply in this, that I don't know how I can do that.

DH still insists she is ok.  This was an argument between two women.  Except I don't go around arguing with people.  I have seen him deal with my mother.  I have seen him go after one of his friends who was out to get me.  I know that somehow he thinks she has not done enough wrong, and that my yoo hoo was what got her started.  When I brought up the verbal abuse argument, he pshawed that one.  As it stands, I don't want anything to do with them, I want NC, and I don't want him going over there.  This is where I have made a stand.  God has taught me the proper way to argue over this. You can't rebuke a fool, so I took away all my notes and correspondence on MN's and put them away. I won't bring it up, and I won't talk to him about it anymore.  Everything is going to change in the way I talk to him.

Last night after he told me that she did nothing wrong, I told him what I wanted to do was call the police, then he just shewed it away, I closed down.  He tried to get me to argue it with him, and I just stuck to my points.  You don't rebuke a fool, stick to the facts.  I stuck to my facts.  And stayed with it.  At some point he said the world is not so perfect, I have to give people a break, with was answered by my silence.

Funny thing happened.  I had to change the batteries on the tv remote and I got the darn things in backwards.  When it wouldn't work, DH told me that maybe I put them in wrong.  So I fixed that, and he was all puffed up, about telling me that since I think I'm so perfect and I did this wrong.  Out loud, this was the first time I said something in a while, I said, "Putting batteries in wrong, is the same as a repugnant creature on the prowl.  You are a boss at work, so I guess you might be right.  Shall I discuss that with your boss?  Tell him you have the moral compass of a screwdriver?"

He didn't say anything after that.  He fell asleep,   When he gets off of nightshift for a day, he falls asleep whenever.  God has taught me how to argue, and thank God it is never arguing.  You don't ever rebuke a fool.  Remove the idea out of your head that somehow you have the power to convince him of something.  This is tiring.  Just stand your ground, as long as you know you are right, its ok.  Its giving him feedback.  But don't ever do this if it is an equal argument about something.  Only give him way, when he has the ability to be right.  But stand up for your rights.  I trust that anyone reading this will have the moral standards to understand what I'm saying.  And if you are afraid of getting hit, don't do it, just leave.  Don't risk that.

So if I call the police and I manage to get them to talk to her, this will be worth gold.  Absolute gold. I know from direct experience that this alone has the power to scare off any narcissist.  Worked for me before, it can work again.  But I'm not sure.  The police officer can give the the lecture about having to deal with this on my own.  But malignant narcissists are not my problem.  This is a police matter. And I still don't know what she said during the assault.  I truly don't.  All I remember was the curses and swearing and the freaking.  So I lose ground there.  Somehow I think that swearing, and using the Lord's name in vain to me, is assaulting to me, for I find that even repugnant, for I don't swear, and I don't use the Lord's name in vain, and to have that hurled at me, is an attack.  Can that be enough?  If the police proceed to give me the lecture I will have the vacate the phonecall for it will play on my brain, and I will be up against the fog.  That is, doubting what I experienced.  The trick is to stay out of the deadlights, don't fall for it.  And if that police officer is an MN, I will definitely be in for it. That is why I am writing this, in case I start to fall backward, I will have a written record of what is going on.  Call the police, hope they intervene, that is a gamble, but it is worth it.

It is worth it if the police don't try to get me into the fog.  For that I will have to vacate the phonecall, maybe say the water is boiling over, or something is going on here, but I will have to vacate the phonecall, as quickly as possible.  After saying my piece, don't do any more to try to convince them, you are in danger of the fog.  Using any means necessary, but don't enter the fog.  Don't get stuck in that.  That is why I don't argue with DH, I have completely have to set my mind on this.

Sometimes you are put in the position where you have to stand up and fight.  Even just so to teach this morally repugnant creature, to leave others alone.  In the case of rape, it is important to let the victim talk, and its important for her to report the crime, even for the reason of getting this person off the streets, to keep other people from getting raped by them.  And such is the case here.  She is in her forties, and I'm assuming a huge rap sheet here of crimes that went under the radar.  Perhaps even murder.  She is a nurse.  This is scary.  And I assure you this "argument" would not have happened to me and a normal person.  A normal person might rage, but it would have been more tragic, she would have hurt herself doing that, and I would have seen more of a contrite heart after that.  All I saw after SIL's rage was a good time relaxing and enjoying herself.  I know I sound crazy, but please understand, this is not new territory for me.  I have lost good jobs over this.  I am in malignant narcissist sights.

So I'm still thinking of calling the police.  Sorry if this writing seems self serving, but I'm afraid of getting caught up in the fog, and I will have this to refer to.  And it might help out others.  I know having the police deal with this is the way, it will work.  Heck, I might just go over there this summer and act like everything is normal.  She will be scared of me.  No more will I have to listen to her rampaging on, but perhaps it might still go on, this is all a risk.  The police is a trump card I use, and maybe later when she has upped the ante on the smearing I will use it.  It will always be available for me for she won't stop.  This can't happen with a normal person.

You know, I can't talk to DH about this, he is making it look like I'm the predator, he does not even see what is happening.  He is not saying, get over it, he is saying that it was ok, and we must forgive and forget.  So, so what if someone is telling me off?  I keep my ground with him, and I find this tough.  I have to constantly get away from his lousy moral compass.  It is deplorable, and I can't stand how he thinks this is all ok.

But listen to me, an MN is an MN, be it a family member, or a boss or anything.  They are a soul destroyer and murderer, and no amount of moralizing it makes it right.  When he tries to get into it with me, I just bring up that it is corrupt, and they are seeing it on his job.  He will not see the big bonuses, and he will continue to see it shoved in his face that he is not worth his salt.  The night he told me that he was not respected was a night of prayer for us, and God has answered that prayer.  He does not see an answered prayer in the district of a narcissist.

Whether you are a Christian or not, you must see that hungering and thirsting for righteousness is the way of life.  Its what gives you balls.  God is not going to turn you into something, to make you a slave, you have the ability to choose for yourself, what you see, and whether you do right or wrong. And to not be able to see right from wrong, therein lies the truth about yourself.

The Smear Campaign: And a Denial Tactic

Hubby started a smear campaign against me.  Here is what happened.  First of all, I told hubby that I wanted to call the police on her.  Why? he asked.  I said for the verbal abuse, which I felt was out of line with the law.  He said no, and he actually convinced me not to.  Lots of reasons, won't go well in the family, I will be ostracized, things will tank.  I also asked what he would do if I did.  He didn't answer.  Right now, I realized this would not be in my best interest to do it.

One evening after coming home from my end of season sewing guild dinner, he told me that he called his brother.  You know, the poopy one, the one who was pooping his drawers the night of the verbal abuse?  That one.  So, basically it was one snivelling weasel got together with another snivelling weasel and decided that nothing happened on the night in question.  "She was only telling us where there were towels, and you had to pipe in with your comment, about being ignored"  That was it. That was it?  Somehow, at that same moment, I got a memory back of when she did slam me she made it very demeaning and made me look like a fool.  I remember the attitude she cast.  Then hubby told me that his brother called me crazy when I wanted to call the cops on her.  I asked him, with as much as my vulnerability would allow me at the time, "You allowed your brother to call me crazy?"  This guy wonders why he is sleeping alone?  All went dead silent.  Could he have known what he had done and allowed his brother to call me crazy?  Did he realize that it was morally debased of him?  He had stabbed me in the back.

I can't get another word out of him about it.  Just the other night he told me that he was working with his brother.  They work together.  I told him with as much vulnerability again, I believe in vulnerability in relationships, I don't want it otherwise, "I don't want to hear that man's name again, I can still feel the knife in my back."  He came and sat down, didn't' say a word, just looked at me with a gaze that I rarely see in him, almost back to himself, but I won't get my hopes up yet.

Do I have to live with a backstabber?  You know, I have a sneaking suspicion that the "call the police" will get back to SIL freak, in fact I highly suspect it.  I don't want this.  She has already got her monkeys to label her blameless, and made me out to be the predator.  She has began her silent treatment over the lack of email about the garage to hubby.  This is all a covert tactic, don't think she is just backing down, no way.  This predator freak is still going to try to destroy me.

What will she do with the news of me calling the cops?  Not sure.  I am trying to remember when a narcissist got caught and what they did to us.  Most of the time, they vacated.  Right?  Is that what happens?   Mother would do it, friends would do it.  Narcissists don't like to be confronted on their crap.  With me basically shoving her nose in it, I don't know what she is going to do.  Despite what is going on with hubby I so want to fight.

So the very next day after his phonecall to his brother and the smear campaign and denial tactic, his brother showed up here.  Hubby was already outside, doing some things, and now I wonder was this all arranged?  Were they going to confront me?  So I sat in the house with the most powerful weapon I have ever encountered.  The bible.  I don't remember what I was reading, but somewhere in James. Reading and praying, I stayed that way until the brother left and hubby came inside.

I sat curious and quiet for the longest time.  Then I asked him, "I was worried about how the smear campaign in going against me, I know your brother was here."

He just stood there and said, "We talked nothing of you, this problem is between us, and between us its going to stay."

I forgot to mention that while his brother was here I was dying to go outside and ask his brother if he called me crazy.  Ohhh, I was dying to, this is not something I am afraid of.  In my FOO confrontation was well taught.  But I don't want to have to defend myself.  Why should I?  What is the point of that?  This is his family, it is up to him to stand up for me, and take care of me, and I don't want it any other way.  If I have to teach everyone, I would rather divorce him. Really I would, I am tired of being the one who wears the pants in the family, ain't going to happen again, nosireeee.

Let's understand something here.  We are both being targeted here.  If I am being targeted, he is being targeted.  He has got to realize that or I'm gone.  I was thinking of all this while his poopy pants brother was here.  Nope, not going to defend myself, I have a husband to do that for me.  Right? Biblically, I am doing my part.  And I don't even care of they come at me guns ablazing, don't care. Unless it all gets me into serious, and I do mean serious hot water, I don't care.  They are just monkeys, almost an illusion really.  To me.  Right now.

So he said they never talked of me, but I am sure his brother came here to dig up some more dirt. And hubby claims nothing was said about me, so therefore his brother came here for nothing.  I believe what happened was that, yeah, his brother wanted more dirt, and hubby wasn't giving it.  See how monkeys work?  I will see if hubby chooses to be faithful and loyal and loving to me.  I don't need to demand it.  Either I have it or I don't, plain and simple.

I also told hubby, that I wanted to enter his email and email everyone concerned and that I am being smeared against but I am the one who is right, starting with those emails he got last summer.  I am happy to get the validation over what happened last summer, I'm starting to.  Its happening, I think.

I told him I wanted to, but I really don't care what they think of me.  None of them.  They can think I'm the poop on the doorstep, don't care that much.  Your family can go ahead and hate me for attacking your poor SIL, they can, don't care, I only care about what you think and feel towards me. That's all that matters, thats all I care about.  He looked at me.  At this point he is back to work now, so slo mo regarding anymore progress, so I will have to wait and see.


49 comments:

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  2. Please read what I posted today Joan, I've had 40 plus relationships destroyed by Queen Spider and I find myself thinking should I fight back and send the family a letter or something or will I only hand more ammon to the jerks? I think it will be handing more ammo. The plate is being wiped clean when she is dissing me to old school chums in public on Facebook. It's like everyone just stood by and let this woman destroy me and they all went along with it. How many will I loose because Queen Spider controls minds? So I am sorry this creep SIL of yours is using the same techniques that were used to destroy my reputation in the face of many others, but in your case with a husband being led by the nose and involved that is the worse of the worse. Marriages have ended for far less.

    She will have your husband blaming you, "you destroyed my relationship with my brother" and I was made the scapegoat in the same way. The problem is when you are on to the game and even TELL OTHERS, omg how I tried to tell others and NO ONE SIMPLY CARED, the way she was able to devalue me so instantaneously has horrified me.


    With him playing along, you may want to make plans for your future. I've been in the school of hard knocks long enough. Put your own bank account together and start storing some assets for yourself. One friend said every woman should keep running money. I don't have any myself but I think when a husband is choosing others over you and not listening and betraying to this extent, you need to look out for yourself. My marriage would have ended if my husband ever said, Queen Spider is right you are wrong. Thank God he has never been fooled by her like everyone else. I got multiple "divorces" of lower caliber to have dealt with. She made me a nobody in the eyes of so many I am horrified.


    She plans to do it to you too....she wants to make you a nobody in everyone's eyes even your own husbands and he is letting it happen. That makes me so upset. She is definitely targeted you. I have never won either. I have lost the battles for everyone's soul including Aunt Scapegoat who let them separate us. I don't know why I automatically lose always. It has bothered me. With a spouse, that is even more horrible. :(


    Everyone worries about pleasing and kowtowing to them, what about pleasing you. He is even betraying the woman that shares his bed and his life for a SIL, is he nuts?

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  3. Don't call cops, they can't do anything with a verbal argument. I know Canadian law is different. Defamation could be one thing. With your husband she has gotten him to believe you are the crazy one and well that is something they do so well. If this was me, I'd be ready to leave. I don't want to see the demise of anyone's marriage, but I think that guy deserves for you to take a vacation away from home. When he wants to keep secrets from a wife that is a problem. He is treating you like a second class citizen in your own home.

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  4. Moral failure and cowardice are big things to me. You never said you were perfect, they sure had no problem criticizing you to death and allowing someone else to do it. I am not sure how to fight back, I wish I could give you better advice on that one. The law fails when it comes to the machinations of narcs and ruined relationships. I know I could not share a life with someone that does not put me first. That is all I can tell you. :( I am praying for you.

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    1. We had gotten together so quickly, and it was no strange thing to me that I knew we had a relationship of convenience. It was to keep me away from mother, and for him to not be alone I guess. These are not stabilizers for anyone. I was praying we would get closer, and its not been the case at all during these five years. He's very disconnected, and I'm not sure if its me, for I am very passionate and very loving, and he is rather cold. So it is not not like I had this loving, hot for me guy to begin with and she destroyed it, but any potential, she is trying to destroy.

      I don't know why people side with narcs. Its so frustrating. I mean, that is my problem throughout my whole life. They only want to please the narc. Even me, its hard to see my way out of this. Its hard to see that I am not the one starting the crap, it looks like I started it all.

      I'm still hoping that he'll come to his senses. Maybe once, just one time I can win over a narc.

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    2. Maybe you got to give it direct and say, "Why are you taking this woman's side over me?" I am your wife!" Lay it out and say "I don't want screwed over by a narcissist because my husband wants to kick me under the bus..."

      Getting together too quickly is not always a good thing. I understand people getting lonely and just wanting to survive too. If you do not feel close to him that is a problem and it's not your fault. He seems to be very poor at communication and rather closed off from you. I know men do the "cave" thing and aren't as emotional as women but even usually the strong silent types who are in love with a woman would no way dare to let anyone disrespect her, especially when they are present. This is the breach that bothers me. In family situations if couples are not united, it's a big mess and the families can take advantage of it to the max. It may be time for martial counseling. Martial counseling can help people, it may help you gauge the future of the relationship. I have to admit if a spouse did not have my back, I would feel so betrayed.

      I don't know why people side with narcs. They seem to turn people against you at the drop of a hat. I sometimes feel like I am not supposed to have feelings to get any respect, it makes me sick, like would I have to be a cold heartless "bitch" who always gets my way to get any respect? Now I walk away from narcissists but it makes me sick the whole thing. They all lick the boots of the narcs and scape and bow and I look at the whole show and think "don't you cowards and idiots realize those narcs hate you too? They don't care!" but there they are. Same for your husband, your SIL would screw him over in a second, he could even become the secondary scapegoat if you walked and his own brother would be turned against him.

      I hope I did not scare you telling you this bodes badly for the future of your relationship. If a man can't even show an iota of loyalty there isn't much left. He isn't even related to this woman. His brother isn't treating you very well either.

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    3. I told him that she doesn't like him at all, but that was before I made the pact to not try to educate a fool. I mean it is biblical. But, when I try to talk to him it gets all so badly tangled up, and I can't figure it out myself. But I know the facts and I know the reality. This is hard, I kinda don't blame him, for it looks terrible on me, and this has happened to me many times in my life. It looks like I'm demanding my way. So when I say take my side or else, it kinda looks like I'm making him do it simply because I want to, that I'm being the bitch, blah blah. Thats why I'm glad I wrote this post, all in green and black, no denying the truth.

      Even though I don't do this and he knows I never do this, this is terrible. That insidious creature is from the bottom of the sea, in a black hole down there. Its terrible.

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  5. I wonder about verses in the Bible where it says Christians will be betrayed. I wonder sometimes if those in spiritual darkness are being led even more so now, to turn against anyone who seeks after truth. Times have changed even recently and more so. Your husband seems to not care about your feelings and is devaluing and invalidating you. So even if calling the police is extreme, he can't even admit you have been hurt and why. That's a serious problem.

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    1. It does say that friendship with the world is in enmity of God. I don't think calling the police would be extreme, they might think it is, but for me its problem solving. You know, he put it out of his mind the verbal attack on me. Hmm, how I spotted her as a narc, way back, just from the way she shooed us out to mop the floor. So yeah, rather angry and terrified. But I'm not blaming myself, that is the good thing.

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    2. Jesus was betrayed lots. Peter came to his senses, though, later. Judas did too, but he did not repent over it. Betrayal is part of our lives.

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    4. I may write about this later, but one thing that kept me in with the narcs so long was thinking it's so many people against me. It must be me that has something wrong with me. That kept me in even with the creep that betrayed me recently thinking well these other people are innocent they don't know, be kind to them and it got me screwed as she dissed me as a nothing.

      I agree friendship with the world is enmity with God. The Bible says the world will hate us, maybe that is more multilayered then just over religious martyrship, maybe people will hate our guts for having feelings and emotions and not scraping and bowing to the wicked along with the rest of them. I mean after all I was lectured to go along to get along and told to embrace lies to keep the narcs happy.

      If she does anything that is police worthy via Canadian laws by all means call them up. Even if you take that shower one day without asking and she decides to smack you, get the cops in on the action.

      Your husband is acting like the rest of the enablers saying "Oh it really didn't happen". I agree Jesus was betrayed a lot, Peter repented and Judas never did. Yes the betrayals are hard to deal with. I can't be what these people want and do not want to be what they want, so if huge numbers of them hate me so be it. I am disengaging from everyone tied to them. I am sorry you have faced such bad betrayal from your husband.

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    5. Any righteous people at all will have a hard time. We are not to be surprised, trials are going to happen, various ones. The promise of heaven is what we are supposed to focus on, and to keep that burning in our hearts. God will protect us during those times, but I don't think it means that He'll keep our bodies alive, the protection is just for our souls. Physical death is not supposed to worry us. Oh, and faith is given in measure, drop by drop. We are to live one day at a time, the times are evil. Not expect happiness here.

      This is all throughout the epistles, what I've been reading lately.

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    6. I agree righteous people will have a hard time. I pray God protects us, and agree it is for our souls. There's too many good people who lose their lives in this wicked world. Many will tell us to sell out for happiness too and peace and quiet and the love of malignant narcissists. I should do some bible reading today.

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  6. Yeah, he's nuts. Being targeted by narcs is one of those things I have learned to live with. He unfortunately, will have to as well. He will have to understand this happens to me, and I don't know what else to tell him. I mean I have no other choice but to live this way. I am glad that I see what is going on here. I wanted to call the cops, and he stopped me. I don't know what is going to happen here, so far he thinks it is not relevant to be taking sides. He thinks this can all be worked out, and we will be the best of buds, blow soap bubbles, play instruments together, and dance. But we know what is the desired result of freaks. I have always lost.

    So things are very terrifying for me right now. I suppose making a plan would be the best thing. But I would have to have a job, and I get targeted there too. It doesn't seem to stop for me. So glad I know how it all works now, I used to blame myself.

    Thanks Peep. I did respond on your last post. Seems to me that Queen Spider is doing this on purpose, for she has got to know you have access to that person on facebook. On my facebook, I can see everyone's friends. I hope you realize that is the case and know you are not to be sad over what she said.

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    1. Oh Queen Spider did it on purpose. I'm uneasy lately as you can tell with the catfish and realizing the full extent of the smear campaigns. All the cowards are afraid and I got closed out long ago. I've lost the whole family as you all know and nothing I said mattered to any of them. When I don't show up to the funeral of the aunt they knew I was close to years ago, they will know I am gone for good too.

      I think he's nuts. One thing I am asking and hope this does not upset you what horse does he have in this game in kissing this woman's ass? I hate to be that blunt. Since going NC, I guess I got smarter about how this world works, and now I am wondering about your husband. Doesn't he want to keep you happy to have a happy home life? So he kisses the butt of a woman he sees a few times a year over you. Why? God help you if they lived in the same town.

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    2. Even with the brother, would a brother even care if his wife is best buds with his brother. Why would it matter? Especially since they are doing work and other pursuits on their own. I find it strange.

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    3. Yes please make a plan. I am not saying divorce is a given here, but please take care of yourself. I guess I see actual betrayal on the side of emotional betrayals.

      Yes don't blame yourself.

      I know I have pulled more away from people. I don't want to expend energy, I got my old friends and ACON friends like you online. Socially this world is getting scary with everyone so out to backstab and I've noticed it is the Machevellians winning everyone's love while the nicest people are getting abused and screwed over. It's scary to watch. My new rule to test people of "are they ever vulnerable? do they have emotions?" is one I'm following for any newbies.

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    4. Yes, that brother is a piece of work isn't he? And I think there is a spirit dimension at work, I know, that's weird, but why come after me all the time? I cry, because I'm facing more narcs out in the world of work, wherever.

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    5. I know me and my husband outside of old and internet friends have removed ourselves more socially. Maybe that makes sense in todays world. There's a lot of wicked people out there. His brother is a piece of work. I don't know why he cares that his brother keeps his wife so happy. I find it weird. I think there is a spiritual dimension too. Maybe real Christians are hated. When I got saved, the family hatred of me turned up more then a few notches, and while I witnessed twice I was no bible banger at them and I am far from perfect or a "holier than thou".

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    6. There's a lot of them. They all do the same things too.

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    7. He's upset about losing his happy home life with me. That is why he called his brother, to try to fix things, monkey style.

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    8. Peeps you hit on pure gold there. Why does the brother care so much? I try to ask that question then I'm trying to untangle the ropes around me.

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    9. When I notice a lot of Christians who are loved, respected, well cared for, no one ever hurts them, perfect life, shouldn't they be asking themselves if something might be wrong with this picture?

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    10. Why is he calling his brother? It's like he's tattling on you. Ugh. I agree too why does the brother care so much? Maybe figure that one out. I would stay away from him too honestly. The slaves can make our lives hell. I have tired of the "perfect life" Christians, I suppose they have respect and love in this world. They don't understand my existence at all either. They don't ask questions, in their world everything is perfect. Every struggle is to be overcome with a grin, or something like that.

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    11. Well, his brother was witness to the events in question, and he was trying to get his viewpoints. It does seem very wimpy of him, and I even told him that, I told him I felt hurt and betrayed, abandoned even at the very thought of him going to his brother and having such a discussion. It was deplorable to the hilt. He did not answer. Such a silent type, but he is very quiet, and if he doesn't have anything to say, he doesn't. Its frustrating me so much at these times, that he has to be the quiet type.

      But I'm still taking time to myself, even staying out of the same room he's in, I run and duck for cover and leave when he enters. But he doesn't like that, approached me, we tried to compromise, but it was too one sided, on his side, for my taste. And I don't like the idea of a compromise anyway. Still giving him space. Although, I know this seems rough, there is not a lot I can do about it, not much has changed. Its teaching me about one day at a time. And I'm learning to express my feelings more, when there is an opportunity. And feeling what I need to feel right now. He doesn't stop me from that the way my mother did. She dictated all my feelings to me, as I'm sure our parents did to the lot of us. Its hard to know how you feel, its like I have to sit there and wait for a moment of inspiration to crop up.

      Its funny for he did sit there and wait for me while I was trying to express, when he did his "compromise" it was tough. He just sat there and waited and waited, and when I thought I was finished, he still sat there and waited and waited, so I had to try to dig deeper, and still we were unable to communicate, so nothing happened unfortunately. He said he doesn't know how I feel, such a jerk.

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    12. His brother, not the one who is husband to the SIL, but the other brother.

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  7. Listen to Peep about not calling the cops. I don't think she has committed a crime and wasting their time won't endear you to them. It will just desensitize them to your plight. Plus calling the law for a non crime is a crime in itself. God I could write a book on how unfair they fight .....(google Darvo) and read what that means and how that relates to their head games. The only way to win is not to play the game. Easier said than done. When I have "come to" and found myself root bound in some weird thing they are doing I always had to take a cooling off period. I find it impossible to shut my mind off while in full attack mode. I keep thinking of things to say. I think the french call it stairway wit ...I googled it and found it L'esprit de l'escalier or l'esprit d'escalier ("staircase wit") is a French term used in English for the predicament of thinking of the perfect reply too late. The only way to get out of the hole you feel you are in is to quit digging. Calm down and take 24 hours with out thinking about it with out mentioning it to anyone else, take a day to disengage. Let your mind go blank. Don't press your point. Don't try to make one. Take that time to see how they act with out your influence on things. Be a vacuum and see how they fill it in your absence. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. You can re-gain your footing if you choose to play later. In Texas we call it giving them enough rope to hang themselves. Just let them run wild You have the rope and can yank it out from under them at your leisure. Is that enough metaphor for you?
    Go here.
    http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/darvo.htm

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    1. There will come a time here, where I will be able to call the cops and it will be legit, and I think that is what I'm waiting for. That's what I do, I just sit and wait it out. Its great to have a man's input on this, stay quiet, lol. The truth and the authentic truth is that I want to learn something from this. More than anything I want to be prepared in the world like I never was before. I feel God is steering me in that direction. I don't want to move in with one of the kids, and bring in my tormented life to them, and any narcs who will be targeting me. They have been through enough of that with me.

      So I give hubby the chance to figure this one out. If he doesn't I can yank can string him up by the neck. At any time. Thank you Q.

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    2. Yes they could use the cops being called against you. if she hits you call them but even there you will want at least a red mark or some "evidence". Google your taping laws. Some states in USA you can't. If she threatens you or anything, you may have a case. Mere verbal arguments and screw overs, outside of legal defamation where you would have to prove damages, calling the law could be turned on you big time.

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    3. I have to know mine play chess too. This latest event also tells me that I have to go along with my worse suspicions and not shut them down and tell myself "Oh I am paranoid". This may sound cynical but one thing I've learned is people will fulfill your worse suspicions. I am going to end all engagement. I have to. Sure my brain wants to write cuss out letters even to the family over the aunt, but I know it would just be ammo, and they could use the stuff to "call me crazy". With your husband, I would write him a letter like a lawyer would write it. "I will not be disrespected in my home or in front of you. I will go no contact with this woman and not interfere with your relationship with your brother, but I do not want her name ever mentioned in my presence ever again. I will not go to her house".

      I agree with Q a time out period may be good here too. It's good we got a man's view too. Take a few days.

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    4. I would take a few days where I go do a few things on my own or visit friends etc. I would drop discussions, take some time outs. With men, you aren't going to be able to "force" him to do what is right. Martial therapists would say disengage and let him make his own decisions and whatever they come out to be, then you decide what you will do on your end.

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    5. It will have to be that we will be going no contact. I'm not playing the game I did last summer with them. This all looks like its all my fault. I wasn't the one who trode a fit, I'm not the one showing my boobs, I'm not the one sending personal emails inviting him and not me. It still looks like its all my fault. Look, its easy, either he gets it or he don'ts. The trick is to give my loyalty and love, and let him decide on his own, he can be inspired by me or not. But I can't take another last summer.

      Its no fun when you force someone. It spoils everything. Removes the point actually.

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    6. Yeah you can't force anyone to do anything. It does remove the point. I would say away from your husband's rotten relatives. Don't talk to them, just let him visit them and give no information to them. I hope he gets it. I tried to have a whole group of people get it and they were dumber then dirt. If he wants to stay stupid about this, then by being away from them it will be more of a non-issue. If he pressures you to go and she poisons the well further even with you not present, then there could be new troubles, but maybe he will keep his mouth shut, not look at any more boobs and just go see his brother.

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    7. He did admit to me the other night that she is crazy. It was completely unintentional, and he just said that is just the way she is, bossy. I could have danced around the room, for it means that I am not seeing things. But I have lots of people drinking from the crazy well, and its hard, its just me to validate me.

      But I did have this one friend out here outside of the computer, and I did tell her about the email last summer. She told me that she felt the same way I did about it, very hurt, and that it was valid I was hurt. But I can't tell her any more than that. The rest is too bizarre, and if I told her of the fit she threw, I'm afraid that would be unbelievable, to anyone, who doesn't understand narcissism.

      I'm starting to get now that this is a very lonely life. As an ACON, it is very lonely, you can tell some things to people but you gotta watch what you say. That's why you guys online mean so much to me, can't even tell you. Its lonely.

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  8. On your down time google the laws you think they are skirting. Laws are clearly defined and written out to leave little room for interpretation. They are so black and white so anyone with a brain can see when someone has crossed the line. Don't forget that lawyers have to sort this out and I have yet to find an attorney with a fully formed brain. If they threaten you they call it terrorist threat but they have to do some specific things .....let me find the wording for Texas. You can find it up there but I would like you to see how they word these things.
    (a) A person commits an offense if he threatens to commit any offense involving violence to any person or property with intent to: -
    (1) cause a reaction of any type to his threat by an official or volunteer agency organized to deal with emergencies;
    (2) place any person in fear of imminent serious bodily injury;
    (3) prevent or interrupt the occupation or use of a building, room, place of assembly, place to which the public has access, place of employment or occupation, aircraft, automobile, or other form of conveyance, or other public place;
    (4) cause impairment or interruption of public communications, public transportation, public water, gas, or power supply or other public service;
    (5) place the public or a substantial group of the public in fear of serious bodily injury;  or suffered by the owner of the building, room, place, or conveyance as a result of the prevention or interruption of the occupation or use of the building, room, place, or conveyence suffered by the owner of the building, room, place, or conveyance as a result of the prevention or interruption of the occupation or use of the building, room, place, or conveyance in which case the offense is a state jail felony
    (6) influence the conduct or activities of a branch or agency of the federal government, the state, or a political subdivision of the state.
    (b) An offense under Subsection (a)(1) is a Class B misdemeanor.
    (c) An offense under Subsection (a)(2
    is a Class B misdemeanor, except that the offense is a Class A misdemeanor if the offense:
    (1) is committed against a member of the person's family or household or otherwise constitutes family violence;  or
    (2) is committed against a public servant.
    (d) An offense under Subsection (a)(3) is a Class A misdemeanor, unless the actor causes pecuniary loss of $1,500 or more to the owner of the building, room, place, or conveyance, in which event the offense is a state jail felony.
    (e) An offense under Subsection (a)(4), (a)(5), or (a)(6) is a felony of the third degree.
    (f) In this section:
    (1) “Family” has the meaning assigned by Section 71.003, Family Code.
    (2) “Family violence” has the meaning assigned by Section 71.004, Family Code.
    (3) “Household” has the meaning assigned by Section 71.005, Family Code.
    (g) For purposes of Subsection (d), the amount of pecuniary loss is the amount of economic loss

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    1. Thanks Q, in Canada, there are laws that overlap other laws, its weird. So that is the thing to watch for. For instance, we have privacy laws here, but no one is allowed privacy, its unreal. Laws here are kinda redundant. Do I think this will come down to a physical attack? Testimonials are the key thing, and I have bad anxiety, I look like a fool sometimes. But the only way she can attack me is by contact, and that is what I am going to prevent.

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  9. If you can get someone to prevent you from calling 911 or the Canadian version that is illegal.

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    1. It's 911 here too. I didn't know that, thank you. Part of me thinks no one will be hitting me, but another part of me thinks that even hubby will hit me to protect SIL, if he even imagines she will get hurt by me. But this could only be my fear talking and he really doesn't think that way, but my brain does.

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  10. They do that so that so they can prosecute wife beaters that block their wives from calling the law on the abuser. As far as exposing them, remember you are dealing with people that have no shame. Some of these people are so good they can pass lie detector tests. Look at all the crap my mother did and even in a county in a state with the best track record in the country for murder convictions couldn't get the proverbial noose around her neck. She basically was born and lived 80 years with utter disregard for the truth and the lives and marriages of others and was like a John Dillinger in a skirt and she went to her grave with out a single second of accountability or consequences. And laughed at our misfortune the whole way to her grave. They never tell the truth and if you fudge the facts you'll have to pay for it. But not her/them. That is what drives us to the internet. If we could just smack them with a bat we/I would but I/we would get thrown under the jail

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  11. I know. Its already turned on me. People think I'm crazy. But its not new territory for me. I'm just chilling, trying to relax, old man at work till Wednesday, no need to deal with him, just chillin. God is only giving me this moment, we don't get a long term plan. This is hard when you expect the hammer to come down at any minute. Narcs don't care about anything. If I was a narc, I would be thinking of how wonderful that this is ruining her. That's what a narc does.

    If your mother was thrown in jail, she would have thought cool, now look at all the people I get to torment here. There are guards, cleaners, other inmates, it would be like Christmas for a narc.

    Me, I want her to go away. I think she is a swamp creature from the black lagoon. Carefully calculated, well done, I'm having a hard time keeping it together, and its all for nothing really. This is sick. I move an inch the wrong way, say one wrong little thing like "yoo hoo" and man do I suffer for it. She can swear and cuss me out, and no one remembers. How do they do it? This is like science fiction, but its very real.

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  12. You would think as much as I have been lied to over the years it wouldn't disarm me like it does. One time me and my ex went to a marriage councilor and I got there first and was telling him my ex hardly comes home and when she does she is so drunk I can't even talk to her. My ex shows up and the guy is going to let her get her side of the story in out of a sense of fair play. So she looks him dead in the eye and tells him she has no idea what I am talking about that she comes home straight from work and has dinner waiting on me when I come in. That it is me that drags in drunk in the middle of the night. I looked over at her and him and I said "you gotta be shitting me" and I got up and walked out. Probably the shortest session in history.

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  13. It needs to disarm you. That is what keeps you from being a monkey. Otherwise we wouldn't see it, we wouldn't be able to tell something is wrong. That must have been a bad therapist, to not see it. How do they not see it? That is the alarming part. How do these monkeys make it as therapists? Listen, I woke up this morning and watched one of Smakintosh's videos, and right along side him, in the side section of youtube, is one of Sam Vakness feeling sorry for himself, again. Poor narcissist, soooo sorry for himself.

    So, your lack of disarming is your nardar, in my opinion of course.

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  14. It gets old thinking you have watched them stoop as low as they can possibly go...Oh wait! they are lower still than that.

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  15. The therapist was trying to make it safe for both of us to open up. He just didn't know my wife was a sociopath. That was my way of telling you to pick your battles well because it might not turn out how you think it will. The only person I've seen that massages the truth more than a narc is politicians but most people are discovering that the words are interchangeable

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    1. Oh. Well, he either gets it or he doesn't. I, unfortunately, have been given the life I got, as a target. I don't know how to stop that. Been really reading, educating myself, and there are some things I can do for preventative maintenance for myself. So, I can't give way on this, even for love and relationship. This is a war we are in, right? I'm guessing that is the case, and there will be some downfall. And as Peeps and I already discussed, there will be betrayals, painful ones even. And choices will have to be made. He took on my mother, I thought that was a sure winner there. And I don't blame myself at all, at all, at all.

      And I don't want to take him by the you know what and demand its my way either. I would hate that more than anything. So picking my battles, well, I would love to go over to the swamp creatures home again and do... you know. But we are allowed to be angry. Its ok.

      So I don't know anything yet, he's still at work 12 hour shifts, don't really see him at all. I'm just rambling.

      Speaking of politicians, our very own Trudeau got in to some major scandal, he accidently bumped into someone and said sorry. No kidding, it was a scandal. I think I like that guy.

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  16. I am sure the incredulous look on my face was more convincing than her look of sticking her tongue out at me. Her facade was that of a petulant child while my jaw was on the ground.

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    1. This reminds me, my last therapist which I thought was very good, wanted to see and have a visit with this "friend" that I was talking about so much in my sessions. It was weird, you just reminded me of that now. Well, that friend didn't want to see my therapist.

      So much has to be kept a secret. I recently tried to get back into seeing that same therapist again, but she retired. I would like to search her out. I think she was onto this bs that is going on in our lives that drives us crazy. But it has to be kept a secret?

      But I imagine your ex was very convincing and it was hard for the therapist to see through. They don't know, or don't want to know. I am terribly uncomfortable around narcs, I can't hide it, I couldn't be a monkey if I tried. Although I had some friends who were narcs, which I can't figure out how I accomplished that even. Most of them hated me. I have a big mouth, and even now I have a big mouth. If I didn't have a big mouth I would never have gotten into my present mess. I imagine being around narcs makes me look crazy, they freak me out. Maybe the same thing happened to you during the therapy session.

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