An Evil Narcissist

If it quacks like a duck and has feathers like a duck, then its a duck.  I don't know if I got the quote right, but it's good enough for me.  That's basically saying that 2 strikes your a malignant narcissist. My husband's buddy, a horrible disgusting freak of nature.  I've got him on more than 2 times the count of a duck.  He triangulates us, he covertly calls me names, puts my husband in impossible situations where he's basically paying for all the work to clean the road of snow in winter (its a private road and we are a group that lives on this road).  He is grandiose, etc. etc..  This is sooo comforting, so glad to tell the world this.

Let's call him Douchebag.   He started this all by HELPING to pay for a machine and got hubby to do it.  Well, the roadwork needs to be done.  They are paying, but not enough. It doesn't cover the whole cost and he is running in the red before the winter is over.   My husband needs more money from the people here, but, feels uncomfortable asking, so Mr. Douchebag has an idea and is calling a meeting with all the people and my husband. Hmmm, a meeting with a bunch of people who don't want to pay more to get them to pay more?   Is this emotional manipulation or soul murder?  My husband just needs to clean the road, he doesn't need drama.

I should add in at some point that I don't attend any of the gatherings or parties that are held here.  I will have nothing to do with these people.  No one has approached me about it, so I can only assume that they think that the problem is me.  My husband attends the gatherings alone.  I go to town for all my socializing.  This has caused a big problem for us, he calls me stubborn but I have always held strong standards all my life, and I guess that is why I was the scapegoat.  The blessing of discovering I'm an ACON is that I get to be this way without anymore guilt about it.  And yes, I do realize I am not perfect myself.  

One day Douchebag came over, and I wasn't giving him attention. The malignant narcissist got up off the couch and told my husband that "Joan doesn't like me, Dan's wife don't like me either and she's a real bitch." This time I've been awakened and doing my reading.  I told my husband later that he called me a bitch.  My husband said, "No no, he called Dan's wife a bitch."  Seriously!  That went right past him.  I can't win with a psychopath.  Now, Douchebag is a charming fella.  Has to say hi, has to be the centre of attention even if I'm in another room working on a sewing project.  He is an up in your face character.  I find him a little too charming, and to hear him talk about women its disgusting.  Its like that Drew Peterson movie.

I wish I could talk about everything but  I can't make too long of a posting.  I'm so new to being an ACON that I seem to be sticking it to them because I can't get back at my mother.  But  I will not tolerate a freak.  They are disgusting, they want you dead, and if they can overtly kill you they will. As the teaching of Anna Valerious goes you have got to hold people accountable.  Be judgemental, so I guess I am trying to do that.  But holding people accountable around here makes me the freak.

My husband is really a very cranky Frenchman.  But he is also very eager to please people.  People here are taking advantage of that.  Who knows, maybe everyone that lives here are narcissists, but I don't know them well enough.  Maybe they are just going along with Douchebag.

The last time he came here about a week ago, I was hanging out the laundry, and he just had to talk to me.  He said, "Hi, Joan, how's it going".

I said, "Awesome, could not be better,"

I was not looking at him, so I couldn't tell what his face was doing.  But that is the best way to handle a MN, don't ask how they are doing, and they will suffocate from the lack of attention. After awhile, I thought I would join them in the conversation.  He was talking about a boo boo on his leg, he went to see the doctor because it wasn't healing.  The doctor said it was fine. But he went for some tests bla bla bla I wasn't really listening to the rest of it.  But then he said something about these things being some kind of benign tumors.  I was curious so I asked, "Are you sure?"

Then I saw the angry face.  Just like my mother, just like all the MN's I've seen in my life.  You question them, that is what you get.  The angry face.  Then my memory kicked in.  One time on the road as we were passing eachother, he wanted a chit chat with me.  I don't know what he was saying because he had such an angry look on his face, I was scared.  Just a normal conversation but he looked full of rage.  Then I left for my trip into town, and I forgot all about it until the angry incident over a boo boo.

I don't know what to think.  Before I awakened, these attacks were happening by his hand but I didn't know anything so I just let it go.  Now I know I have noticed everytime we see him there is something amiss.  And when I don't see him and my husband does, there is new arguments to deal with.  Douchebag, used a covert method to command him into believing I'm taking him for everything.  "Get a prenup," Douchebag told him as a direct order.  Somehow we get through it, but I'm not going to put up with the triangulation.

Last time, I told him this.  "I am not blaming you but I am an ACON and this guy is using you to get to me because he sees me as an easy target.  I might be right or I might be wrong, either way I'm choosing to be more paranoid, because of the risk, which I need you to protect me from", with full authentic emotion.  He doesn't know what I'm talking about but my emotions told the story for me. Men can't hear commands, its a threat to them.  He knows I've been doing lots of reading and although we go around in circles about this stuff, the feeling of me needing his help gives him something to do about it.  I don't just blast him out, I give him something to do, to accomplish.  I told him I need him to do it.  And I allowed myself to feel fully vulnerable, right in front of him.

Relationships aren't easy, ACON life isn't easy.  Thank you mom, I award you with a big pile of manure on your head.

That was the end of it, I haven't had that particular problem for months.  But he finds other ways to cause arguments.  I would type it but I can't wrap my brain around it.  Just things don't go well when Douchebag comes around.  Maybe its me.  I don't know, but I'm choosing to be paranoid.

I'm worried you all think I'm blowing it out of proportion, men talk, yes I know men talk, and I am a reasonable person.   Don't get me wrong.  But, as you know, these reptiles are hard to nail down. Like trying to nail jello to the wall.  The words of Anna Valerious.  Her teaching, I'm not quoting her, I haven't asked permission to do that.  But, I think I need to mention her teaching, because as a newbie I don't want to pull things out of thin air.  I got my learning somewhere.

I would rather be more paranoid than not.  If it was my own friend, that friendship would end.  I had a MN best friend for 20 years and that was hard to figure out but I did it.  Even though you love them you know they make you uncomfortable.  She would say and do horrible, mean nasty things at the worst times of my life.  But, you block it out cause you love them.  And hope next time you meet up it will be different.  This particular man is not my friend, so there is nothing I can do.  However, because I am an ACON I need to be on the alert.  Also too, ACON's tend to second guess ourselves.  

But I will not override my husband, it is his buddy which he has known longer than he has known me, and I respect that.  I also have to respect the fact that I have been raised as a targeted source of supply. This guy is trying to hurt me and he is giving me angry faces.  I don't need any teaching on the angry face, I can write that one myself.  I know it like the back of my hand.  And it hits me in the chest.  It makes me want to run away.  Yes, normal people can have the angry face that scares me too. But, usually its because I know I've done something wrong.  I'm not perfect and I may have crossed a boundary here and there, its not uncommon.  We all do it.  And we know it.  We know if we do something wrong to someone, be it by accident or whatever.  If we hurt someone, we know it.  We might not know exactly what it is that we have done, but we know we have done something. Its not ground in stone that it works that way all the time, but its fairly stable most of the time.

But, I haven't done anything to this man.

My husband is NOT an ACON.  In fact, his family is the dream of what families should be.  And he is a leader with all his brothers trying to follow in his footsteps, and they can't keep up.  His parents adore him.  He is a boss for a large world known company.  He talks, people listen.  He can bring 10 men to their knees, if necessary.

I don't know how Douchebag is getting away with it.  But I remember a teaching of Anna Valerious about the most covert are the most dangerous.  That one is burned in my mind forever.