I Just Talked to the Aunt

On Monday I was spending a busy day in the city to buy our food supplies and visit.  I just picked up a cake at Walmart and was going to my daughter's for a visit.  I learned to be more organized.  I went to get s bit of lunch, I wasn't even hungry and I tend to go places on an empty stomach.  Whether accusations are real or not, I always feel like a fraud, a horrible person, but this day was an exception. I actually felt pretty good, so I decided to treat myself to some french fries today and then would head over to my daughter's with the cake.  Then I saw my aunt (mother's sister).

I saw her first.  I don't think she even recognized me.  I just wanted to say hi, and talk about good things.  But that wasn't about to happen at all.

She asked me right away, "Hi, have you talked to your mother yet?"

I was taken aback, this was very abrupt of her, "No".

I didn't add anything to the answer.  I have learned from ACON's that I don't have to explain myself any more, and somehow I've been managing it.

She said she has talked to mother many times over the phone, and she keeps asking mother the same thing about me, but mother says no as well.  I tried steering the conversation away to talk about simple things in the moment.  I didn't want to give a rundown of my life and I intended boundaries to exist.  Her husband, who was with her, walked away from me like he had a bad taste in his mouth.  I could tell he didn't want to be a part of the conversation and probably felt that he was doing his best. I guess he didn't want to tell me off.  So he walked away instead.

Just to let you know, my aunt is the most normal in the family.  She has never been known to be outrageous and she had a good heart.  She spent several years taking care of her own mother and reminded me of that.  As I tried to hold true to spontaneous talk, she tried to wear me down about mother.  She said that I will be sorry someday for this and she said I'll always remember this conversation she had with me.

We got into some more about mother.  She understands mother is mean and cruel and spiteful and hateful.  Oh, yes she gets that.  She said her mother was the same way, that she has two other sisters that are mean to their daughters.  However, I was to overlook that and see that mother still loves me.

Wow, did I tell you this is very dangerous?  That thinking?  That someone can be mean and cruel to you and still love you can kill you?  I'm not making that one up.  I read that right in my relationship site.  And the very fact of holding in your emotions in relationships is dangerous?

I love my relationship site, but there are a few things I do disagree with, one of which is that the site owner believes that some women are just lazy about their emotions.  Not that I'm blaming her.  She does put the idea in your head that perhaps holding in your emotions is wrong, and I discovered the truth, and that there is not such thing as being lazy.   For some of us, living true to your emotions can feel like hell.  This is what brought about my awakening though.

You know, I felt that my aunt was trying to be noble, and she just doesn't know better.  I can choose to hate her too, but I just can't.  She feels this way, and she doesn't know the truth about narcissism. Mother doesn't even exist.  This is a person that wants to hurt others all the time, and my aunt believes we must see past that, and not hold her responsible for any of that, "Oh, she's just like that, she doesn't mean it."

I worried about my sister.  I talked a little about that.  My aunt said that my sister is strong, she said that my sister can let everything just roll off her.  She said that it was wrong of me to just believe mother, to just let it roll off my back.  That is what my sister does.  She is strong.  But did I tell you that my sister was almost stabbed to death by an ex?  She can show you knife wounds.  

Every punch in the face I got in my life was locked in to that thinking.  Remember that.  I try to live true to my emotions these days.  Its still hard but I do it, because I know now.  To tell my husband, I'm upset, or I'm hurt, feels like hell sometimes, but I do it.  He doesn't always like it, he tells me, but what he says and feels are two different things.  Although he doesn't like it, he is connected to me this way.  But he would tell you otherwise.  He would say he doesn't like a drama queen, but it doesn't matter, his emotions speaks otherwise.  I do something he says he doesn't like, despite what he says.  He connects to it.

Not something a narcissist can do.

So we must learn as women, to stay true to our emotions.  It is hard sometimes.  Well, all the time.  I don't always feel like acknowledging my emotions, that is why I need to read the relationship site over and over again.

Well, my aunt went on and on.  When she told me that she took care of her own mother who was mean and spiteful too, I told her she should have just thrown her out then.  Truly, if someone just only not appreciate you but hurts you with the intention of hurt, then throw them out.  These beliefs of my aunt are dangerous, I told her that.  She still feels we are to reach out to them or someday feel sorry for it.

I believe she tried to be the wise and noble aunt that day.  Telling me that mother is still trying her best.  She did not even bring up my brother, whom mother is not speaking to for no reason.  She says mother will die some day and I'll be sorry for it.

I don't feel badly.  All the stuff I've learned, and its funny, but I felt like the ACON community walks around with me.  I'm not alone anymore.  Thus, I held my ground with her, her husband walking away in a huff.  After we had parted ways with me still holding my ground, I went to go have my french fries, and they were very good.

I left to come back home at 10 o'clock that night.  In the dark, and I wasn't even afraid.  I like the night and my alone time on the road.  Life is beautiful.