My Screwed Up Sense of Boundaries

"Comfort and real relationships only go hand in hand once in a while. I believe real relationships require at least one person in them to LEAD the other in to a world of acceptance, connection, fun and depth."

I took this from a relationship site I have been attending for over a year.  And I'm sitting here this morning feeling rather pukey.  I was typing a response to this.  After reading it over I realized I can't send this.  The owner of this site can't possibly comprehend the reality of this situation in regards to an ACON.  So I cut and pasted my response in my blog instead.  Here is what I what I wrote:

I found my way back over to here.  It's strange how I never really can capture the true meaning of this article.  My formative years have actually screwed me over regarding this, this is not the way I grew up.  I want to add value here so here I go.

This COMFORT thing has me so caught up in how it relates to boundaries.  When you get close to your man, the key issue is that we get back.  I personally felt so scared because he invaded my boundaries.  I had boundaries regarding to feeling my own space and mind.  It was beyond my comfort level.  I realized I had all these boundaries that would never allow me to have a real relationship.  I got stuck on how he is creeping me out.  I grew up emotionally molested, and this came to light for me after growing up on the Renee site.

Yes folks here it is.  This thing we are so worried about will come to light for us as a key issue in life.  I am so scared.  Can he hurt me?  What should I let go?  When I let it go it will invade my space.

I believe I have been set up to have abusive relationships by my mother and the possibly of an abusive man to kill me.  Someone who doesn't care about me will do that.  It's horrible how well I have been taught to "non protect" myself.  That disgusting pig.

Superficial relationships were my thing.  No one ever got close to me and I've been hurt by it.  An abusive man doesn't care how I am.  A narcissistic man invades the boundaries I am used to having invaded by N mother.  I'm used to having those boundaries invaded.  But as far as the deeply caring part, which is what I'm not used to having invaded, is a new realm for me.  My relationship is evolving and we are getting closer each and every day and I'm feeling creeped out.  Yuck.

That's all I want to write today.  This is so hard and so powerful to me.  I need to keep it simple.  I can't think of anything more specific to type.  This is feelings.