In Times of War

This post is not meant to blame or shame anyone, and I believe I can make my point without having to do that.  This particular blogger wants this situation gone and I totally respect that.  I will let it go for her sake, and not use this as a blasting post.  This is still lingering for me.  As always feelings need to be addressed.  Otherwise they will linger around for years.  And come back to haunt you eventually.

Feelings are normal.  Like this feeling of fear I have sometimes needs to be addressed or will linger. Nowadays, I allow myself to feel fear deeply, and it has been good.  I don't live with fear each and every minute of the day any longer.  But first fear needed to be addressed.  Fear has to have a place, otherwise it screams to be acknowledged.

There is a situation that happened and although the situation is all done with the parties(apparently) it is not all done for me.  I'm just guessing here but I feel it is not over for a lot of us.  Feelings got trampled on and I can't let those feelings just go.  Although I didn't get involved with the blog war, one of my lovely comments made its way from the blog I intended it to go into a blog posting spewing nothing but hate and spite.

I can't help but feel my boundaries were invaded.  Now I can hear a voice from the past telling me to let it go, it doesn't really matter.  But as always, I didn't let it go and I would get beaten up or something.   Now I see why I would always get beaten up.  

Someone made a mistake and she was dragged through the mud for a long time.  It wasn't worth doing that to her, she was learning and trying and made a mistake.  That mistake was passing on some misinformation.  It's going to happen if we are to try to leave our comfort zones, its going to happen.  There will be screw ups.

I went to the site where my comment was unnecessarily inserted into.  I had to read the posting several times as there was too much hate.  I still can't figure out if they are a multiple personality disorder site or a transsexual site.  Either way it had nothing to do with me, and I don't relate to either of those issues. Thus, to me, my comment had no business on their site.

The author said they were crying all day over it.  He was using his disability for significance.  Apparently, the woman who marginalized him was growing in popularity and he hated it.  Now, isn't it that strange?  I can tell you that jealously usually is a loss of significance which I can get because it is a core value that humans have.  If he wanted to grow his blog, he needed to take steps in order to do that, not to cut someone else down.  She removed the offending post.

It wasn't enough.  He was asking for an apology from the blogger.  When I went to her blog it seemed like she was apologizing all over the place, but she wasn't apologizing?  What did he want?

I can tell you what he wanted.  He wanted to drive someone down, and not only her, but all of us who he published our comments into his blog.  Significance is a powerful human core need, and it can get so messed up.  We will always fight to win that thing.  It is a survival trait really.  Without it, if someone is better than you, you could starve to death or be killed.  It is well rooted into our hard wiring from centuries of battles.  Even when we live in modern times, these things are still going on. You will not escape your hard wiring.

If you think you are above it, just try to go without eating for a day (if you aren't diabetic) just do it. See how your hard wiring will kick in.  Now you will not starve to death in one day, but your mind won't leave you alone.  I'm not just talking about stomach growling or hurting.  Just your mind.  Your mind will do everything to try to convince you to eat.  It needs to for survival.

So enough about that.  This made me feel violated.  Tossed under the bus, thrown aside.  I left a comment over on his site and he never published it.  I was trying to tell him how I felt, a very simple and authentic comment and he didn't publish it.  Perhaps, it was because I told him what and who I am.  I don't remember the comment exactly, but, what I approximately wrote was, - How dare you take my comment I made for another site, I have nothing to do with this place.  I was raised as a baby on my mother's lap till my mid teens.  From there, thrown out into the world to be used and abused by psychopaths, the very group you are defending.  I will not be abused again.  You are the one who should apologize.

Nothing wrong with that right?  He didn't publish it.  He acted so entitled as to not even have to address someone who he had offended.

It seemed that taking my comment was such an easy thing to do.  People do what they want.  I suppose there are no laws against this.  And no common sense either.

A mental illness does not give anyone the right to use and abuse.  I personally don't feel that he was coming from his mental illness because of the studies I have done on human nature from my relationship site.  By simply going to his marginalization for the gratifying feeling of significance. If it was coming from his mental illness, then it would have been a lot different.  They don't fill needs, they just collapse.  I don't know the man, I can't tell for sure, but that is what sense he is doing.  The need for significance needs to be addressed for each and every individual on their own.  Even in relationships we are not to feed that need for significance for one another.  If a person feels a sense of loss it is not up to me to fill that need.

We don't get to hurt others simply because.  And those who take an enormous pride in hurting others just because, just because...........he is a marginalized group.  No way.  My mother felt very entitled. She robbed me of my identity because her own existence sucked, did that make it right?  No it wasn't. And surely I will never let that happen with anyone ever again.  Although I can't guarantee that.

The woman was very nice to him.  And he threw daggers at that.  You know why?  Because she was too nice.  It's ok to be nice.  But it reaches the point of being needy usually.  We can't live our lives pleasing others.  He felt like he lost his significance through this particular blogger.  I get that.  That makes sense, its very human.  But that was his own problem.  If he wanted to he can grow his own blog.  He can grow his blog, there is so much information about that, it shouldn't be a problem.  But a big blog means huge responsibilities.  Do you want to write up to 4-5 posts a day?  That's what it is. And to respond to 20 commenters or more that's fine.  That's what she does, all the time.  With a full time job on top of that.

There is a price for significance.  And it can go horribly wrong at any time.  You have to be prepared. She is not perfect and I don't expect her to write everything I agree with either.  As ACON's it's to important to now get to voice ourselves.  I appreciate her authenticity, it is refreshing in this world.

I felt so much like I did in the past.  That I didn't matter, only this marginalized man counted.  I don't want to participate in his site yet there is my comment.  No one should be allowed to do that. That is why we ask permission for things.  I support the ACON online community.  And my relationship community that has kept me out of abusive relationships.  Or any other community that I choose to be in.

He says she is not well read enough to be talking about the topic.  So what?  Neither am I.  I am not well read on anything except relationships.  Just so I could stay alive.  And that is very recent.  Does he want to blame us for that?  You know why I'm not well read on things?  I have spent my whole life trying to stay alive, how could I have found the time to be well read.  If she made a mistake, shouldn't that be ok? Mistakes are good, right?  If he made a peaceful helpful, educational correction, she would have definitely appreciated it.

Take for instance a baby learning to walk.  He tries to get up, he has no idea how much to bend his knee, or how balance works.  You walk over to him to help him up or put out some toys which he leans on, still he has to learn to get it himself.

Just like this woman.  She wants to try to educate and teach people.  Sure she might get it wrong.  I don't agree with everything she says.  Its a learning curve.  She wants to get it.  I see her good intentions. She is at a place where she is really, really trying hard.  She works hard and her job is at the poverty level, but somehow I can see this would have been a big player in society if she wasn't an ACON.

I can't feel sorry for any marginalized group.  There are some good and some bad in every group, but when you take the name of your group and abuse in its name it loses.  When you make it obvious you are abusing your human rights you lose.  That's just the way it is.

I really hate what has happened.  I can't feel my feelings for recovery and leave this aside for the sake of letting it go.  There is no need to top toe around issues.  Help us, don't hinder us.  If I am that offensive, well, maybe that is my problem to deal with, not anyone else's.  As a matter of fact if you tip toe around anyone it is dangerous.  More dangerous than being open.  And if someone requires you to tiptoe around them, then maybe you should just get away.  This is a clear warning sign.  And narcissists break boundaries all the time for significance.

If you need to learn, and need to grow, by all means do so.