This might not be the most eloquent writing of all time, but I have to vent, yet again.
What triggered the bad feelings I have is that I went to the doctor's yesterday to fill out the form for the disability tax credit. She is very thorough, and to make sure this goes through properly, I am to get all my mental health assessments together to give to her. Not only that, I have to write a one page composition on how my disability affects me in my everyday life. But she kept the forms. Without them, I can't do the writing, which I intended to do on here. I know, I can look them up on line, but I can't find the number I am to put in the search engine. I called my husband at work, he is unavailable, he has all this stuff in his email, and I am feeling frustrated. His work email I can't access, this is where he printed all the stuff for me, as we have no printer ink at home. It is expensive, we never use it, hardly, so we just get him to print stuff at work.
I know, I can probably call the tax place, but its hard to get through, and they would give me the number to look up to see all the descriptions I need to write about. I can't really just grab random descriptions about it online, they have to be the ones set up by the tax office. So its waiting time again.
Then I started thinking how I am so frustrated over everything going on in my life. Lately, I have been so angry at my oldest daughter who picks on me about everything, but lets her evil father skate. He gets a free pass, gets treated well, gets all the lurve, and I get shit all the time. Its not his fault he has no money. He has no money because he spends all of his money on dope, and I am sick of the shit. She is the narc butt kisser of all time, and I hate all the effin butt kissers out there who let evil people just walk, get loved, are you freakin kidding me?
My oldest has been on a spending spree lately and she got hurt, and is finding it difficult to work, and wanted me to help pay the bills and be there for a month to babysit. She did ask the impossible. And the stepdaughter has asked me to babysit her boys for a week, on top of that.
This was all caused by me babysitting my youngest daughter's 4 month old baby for a week. I said that I can babysit ONE child at a time. There is a reason a woman my age doesn't have babies, and for me to watch a whole family for a week or more, does not equal watching one small baby, who sleeps a lot, and just needs formula to eat. Besides my youngest doesn't make demands, she asks and she appreciates, and she never lets her father skate.
Its been more than a year now that she is been no contact with her father. He has been trying to reach her, but she ignores everything he tries. He is the guy who sleeps all the time, and yes, he can hold a full time job, he quit his job as a manager of Walmart, to sleep all day. Some might say that is a mental illness, but I am telling you it is not, he is a blatant narcissist, and that is a long description, I've written about him before.
And shall we mention my aunt, that I never went and got the pictures from as of yet. She made me feel like I was responsible for feeding that pig of a mother of mine. "Oh, that's your mother." Why don't we equate mother with a tapeworm shall we? Enjoy your tapeworm, its your tapeworm afterall, you are responsible for feeding it. You shouldn't get rid of it, it is your responsibility to love it and care for it. Don't be mean. I mean its all very disgusting.
I don't know. I think I kinda hate the narc lovers more than I hate the narcs. Afterall, medicine will cure you of a tapeworm, its not that hard to get rid of one, but the lovers, let me tell you they are the most disgusting pigs of all time.
Even my husband narc butt kisses. He just announced that there will be no trips to visit the brother and SIL this August, which I am good with, but I sneakily want to go there again. I got a good education while I was there the last time. I love knowledge, and I am starting to remember more of his disgusting SIL and how she was triggering me, but I was afraid of posting it. I might have beaten that horse too many times. But its not what they do so much, and I'm afraid I'll never be able to explain it. She is one of those clean, but nasty narcs. Even, she made a comment on why are they naked on that show Naked and Afraid, ever seen that show? Its rather interesting. SIL made a comment the group of men, wondering why they have to be naked. I said its to risk exposure to the elements, and I thought as a nurse she would know what I mean, but she didn't, and it appears that no one gets to question this bitch, or say anything to her that might make her look bad. I mean, she couldn't even have a discussion about it, all she did was get pissed off, at lowly me who would dare question a narc.
I mean the whole thing was so sexual. In my relationship group online we are taught how to be around men, and that some things can be construed as sexual, and we must be aware of these things. Afterall, we wouldn't want to do that around a best friends husband, refer to sex, at all, ever, really. I've seen my own mother do it. This can put thoughts in their head. Its ok to flirt if you are single, and with single men, but its done in a way that is not sexual, and we learn this. What she did was a big no no in any case. It is not high value behavior. I think that is why she triggers me so. Talk sex and nudity to your BIL that you exposed yourself too. I mean what a whore!
No one sees the covert tactics, and they only can see what they see. Only thing is, that they are afraid of her, and they act like they have the highest respect for this pile of shit. But me, yes I will get dumped on rather quickly, if I don't comply with the program.
Funny thing is, that hubby's sister came and visited with me the other day, and we had a nice normal conversation, and I wonder how she is with SIL. I have never seen them together, so I don't understand how this works. No one was ever open with my mother, and maybe that is the same here too. I feel frustrated.
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