I especially loved the hand motion practice she taught here. It reinforces it into our own brain, that is something that will help to remember. It creates the boundary.
Or not even validating the narcissist. They do things, well, its all here. I don't want to influence anyone, but this even has info about how to react when you get caught off guard.
I know the headphones is not going to work for me, for I have eczema, I've often envied others who get to listen to headphones, and would walk down the street that way if I could. But there's other stuff here. Lots of good advice.
Its true though that if you act like your super busy, very important person, that will attract them. Be busy but boring, this will make them go away. You don't owe them politeness or civility. I love that, I never knew that. If they lose it on you, she talks about that too. We think we have to respond to narcs outrageous behaviour, but we really don't.
Overall, I feel these are good tips, to help with real life, in real situations. No contact is nice, but what to do when when you run into them.
Remember don't act rude, that's just too juicy for them, and they will attach, you want to be boring.
Like when the autism group lady didn't talk to me. This time I decided not to be begging for her notice or being treated like a human being. She doesn't seem to be vulnerable like most Aspies but hard as nails. I just said nothing and sat there too. I guess I was boring. There's so many toxic people out there, I find myself asking why do I meet all these great and interesting people online and the real world seems like an empty dead wasteland with too many narcissists?
ReplyDeleteLots of toxic people out there. One job I had I swear the whole company was like that, and that's just the way it is. I don't know why online its better, usually, but I met some forums that were uninviting. Here not so.
DeleteI've met toxic ones online maybe numbers are on our side meeting more people so we meet a few good ones. So yeah I've been on the bad forums too. Work places too it seemed everyone was like that when I was working, or at least at my immediate work post. The world IRL seems divided into nice "normal" people who have lives I couldn't even dream of and are the kind of people I can get along with but not get too close to talking about abuse, or Aspie interests or things they don't get, and the sharks, but the sharks seem pretty numerous and a lot try to appear as "nice" at the get-go.
DeleteI live in the same town as my ex-wife and I dread seeing her. But it should be the other way around. She stole from my family not me from hers. That's a neat trick to rip some one off and make them fear you too. I'll probably just wring her neck so I don't waste a lot of thought on it.
ReplyDeleteI get the old narcs of my life all over the place. Of course they didn't do anything wrong, they are entitled to take from you, they never did anything wrong.
DeleteI know the dread of seeing them. Its horrible. I'll have to use some of the methods here in this video.
Sorry you all have narcs all over the place. I suppose all my constant moving has a bright side. My closest family narc lives 75 miles away but only half the year, and the others are 250 miles away and more. I would hate to be driving down the road and run into my mother or other narcs. I have ONE narc here to avoid, and some lady now I have to avoid but didn't get close enough to, for her to be much of a problem. There's a few other toxics, to avoid, but I am not close enough to them or really part of their lives. I had it in my mind YEARS ago never to live in a town with a relative in it. This rule was so exact, I once commuted 45 minutes to a job for three and half years to avoid living close to my parents.
DeleteI'm actually only an hour away from where I was born. I don't always see the bullies though, we have cities then large rural areas in between. I just found out that a guy who bullied me badly in high school, had shot and killed his buddy, apparently it was an accident. Hmmm.
DeleteThe main reason I dread seeing her is that her reaction would be the exact opposite of what I would expect. Like all of them she has no shame. When I caught her in bed with our neighbor I thought she was going to hit me when logic dictates I would be the one who would lash out. But Nooooooooooo she got up in my face and started saying in this menacing tone of voice what are YOU looking at.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly how they are. A woman "friend" I had once threw a major narc fit when I beat her in a game of scrabble. She called me names and everything. The next day she wondered why I was not coming over to play scrabble. They are crazy.
DeleteI was at a band rehearsal one night and the drummer didn't make it so I sat in and played in his stead. After we were done someone came up and told me he never knew I could play drums and I said neither did I and my ex-wife was sitting across the room muttering under her breath about how it makes her sick that I can play just about anything I get my hands on. Psycho!
DeleteI was just thinking, its late, I know this might be dangerous, but really, just a shot in the dark, cause its dark outside, ....... There may be a way to use this information here in this video to redirect narcs totally out of our lives. Just be boring. That's it. Read up on the paper making process, or something like that. Discuss how to paint the walls. Even go into intricate detail on how you do the laundry.
ReplyDeleteI remember at a job, one scientist kept everyone away from him cause he did this. But it might keep everyone away. But I wonder if this would work, in a job or someplace you get soaked in narcs.
Thinking about your original words.......wouldn't it depend on what you ran into them with. I mean if you ran them over with a combine there wouldn't be enough of them left to worry about.
ReplyDeleteDon't they always come back to life though, bigger and meaner?
DeleteYeah like Frankenarc!
ReplyDelete