I don't know why I have such a big mouth. There is an horrible family dynamic in DH family and I uncovered it, but I'm not supposed to. There is a reason that DH doesn't want me on that trip. I might expose the truth.
When we first got together and we went there, he didn't know me too well. I spent a long time observing this crazy witch of a SIL, then on the way back home I was talking about my own MN SIL, they were exactly the same. My own brother is in complete denial as his MN wife emotionally torments the family and I knew this from an early age. The abuse signs was all there. I never did tell my brother that, and maybe I stayed in denial about it, but the truth was definitely there. She rules the household with an iron fist and so does DH MN SIL.
I want people to understand. I was told to shut up all my life, get along. I never got along with anyone hardly. DH even told me that I had a hard time getting along with people. He was trying to help me I guess.
I'm just realizing this now. The whole family is in denial over this crazy bitch and I stand here and he is keeping me away. He seems to know that I will blow the whistle on her. Even those emails. I mean, WTF was up with that? Is she completely and utterly nuts? Who does that? Gaslight with actual physical evidence. My MN mother would be ashamed to see that. But SIL doesn't know I'm awake and aware and I suppose it was time to screw me over. Play a game, assault me. And DH is covering for her. He wants to keep the peace, peace at any cost.
I remember a line in my favorite movie, The Ten Commandments. When Moses disappeared Joshua found him and Moses told Joshua, that he only wanted to live in peace now. Joshua replied, "How can you expect peace or even want it while Ramses is building cities on the blood of our people."
I used to listen to Joyce Meyer on tv. Not anymore. She said that we must live in peace. To me that blew out every good thing she has ever said otherwise! All the churches and tv evangelists say that. People, the bible doesn't teach that! In fact, it even says that our enemies may be those of our own household. I am living very close to that scripture these days. I can't seem to live in peace no matter what. Not my whole life while I was the target of bullies and abusers. Not now while my DH kisses narc butt. And I am the scapegoat! His wife is a scapegoat. What peace!
There will be times of war. I mean real war, not this bullshit you see going on that feeds the narc sharks. Governments paying both sides to fight. Does that not seem like bullshit to you? And narc supply?
I am growing up faster and faster these days. Left alone to think things through, I mentioned in the comment section of my last post that when my husband told me that he has seen his SIL boobs, I asked him, "Is that ok to see your brother's wife's boobs?" He hemmed and hawed got out of the chair, left the room, basically trying to get the hell away from me. This was just before he told me that I was not going on the trip.
Ok, if I'm going to be in peace, I'm going to have to be in heaven, that's all. Nothing else. This world is not offering me too much right now, I am not making this my permanent place, I come from somewhere else.
So what does the scapegoat do now? Every friggin time I open my mouth it gets me into trouble. But it wasn't intended for me to be the scapegoat, I was engulfed by MN mother. I guess I was supposed to be some kind of GC but that never happened.
It is obvious to me that he is keeping me away from his crazy SIL because I might blow the whistle. This is deja vu for me I've been here before.
