The house got messed up and not only that she baked a cake that was supposed to be for a wedding shower that would look like it had blood spattered all over it. For Halloween. The red icing "spatters" was spattered all over the walls, floors, you name it. The rest of the house was destroyed by the two kids.
My daughter, well, has three children and one of them is severely autistic. As luck would have it (I say luck because she was never taught this by me), when she has her visits the house is more spotless than when she wasn't here. My son, not so clean but then again he doesn't make cakes and has no kids. My youngest daughter, again no kids, but has a habit of dropping things, but a word from me and she helps.
Maybe I shouldn't add that part about my own kids, comparing and I'm not sure why I am so yeah, I'm one of those bad stepmoms. But I am struggling here now even weeks later. Her dad helped me clean up the icing and that took a whole day, but the rest of the house he is either blind to or chooses to be blind to.
Everyday I am expecting to clean up the mess but I get "busy". I do have a social life but I do stay at home full-time. Before the wrecking crew arrived I managed to keep the house very nice and it wasn't hard to do. Now I'm waking up every day and I'm overwhelmed of where to start. That's my problem - getting started. Where to start, how to start etc..
I have always struggled with this. I told my husband that if I was this strong I would be in the wilderness of Africa milking snakes for antivenom. He still thinks I'm normal. So still I struggle.
This morning I woke up and decided to just start somewhere. The dishes. Just concentrate on that till it was done and don't worry about the next thing. Next was the laundry, concentrate on that and nothing else. On and on this went until I got caught up. The housework is almost done and all I have to do is wash all the floors. Still a big task but it is a single task. One thing left to do. How weird is that. As long as I don't feel overwhelmed with multiple tasks I'm ok.
I learned something from all this. If I just focus on the now all will be ok. So other ACON's go through this? I like advice and it is appreciated, however, one clue is that I feel blamed and stupid all the time, it is a battle not to feel that way. Do other ACON's go through this too?
I like advice when it is present with what I'm going through. Lots of people give advice and the timing is just off. Like if a woman just broke up with a guy she gets told by her girlfriends, "Don't worry about it he is an ass anyway." Do you call that advice? I don't. The poor lady is hurting. I would prefer to tell her, "Oh my, that really sucks." Just go there and be there with her in her problem.
Now it would be easy for anyone to tell me that I should just smarten up clean the house or get the daughter to do it. It's not that easy. I know, reaching out to someone and being present is hard work. Relationships are hard. Try being there for your spouse when he is going on and on about his job and not giving him advice. I've been there. It sucks but it is what he needs.
I think, for me, that is what blogging is about. I'm terrified someone is going to call me a complainer because I feel that is all I do. So I try and talk about something "positive". Not bad but its not real and present. I hurt and that is why I come here. But I am aware of not repeating old patterns. So I pick myself up and keep trying. Hey, the house is near cleaned up and I am telling you and I am telling you of the struggle I had to go through to get there.
